The low flying birds who lived in a river of calm flowing water
squawked into my ears harshly
that I was useless to this world of constant flowing water.
Without constant flowing words and constant flowing work,
I was just a weightless, flimsy leaf aimlessly floating in a big sea
and constant flowing tears would row my sensitive leaf self nowhere.
I now find myself engulfed by a dry and barren minefield.
Deja vu may have found me first though
and brought me back memories of a dream sweet and simple,
as if it was the first real evidence to prove I existed.
While my brain fog stays thick, the clouds in my head circle back to my thoughts,
and the thought bubbles above me turned to spoken word.
The clouds reminisced of past lives
It told me everything my mind failed to capture
There was so much that it all marched over my head playing loud instruments
except the one thing that stuck, and maybe it's a sign
I looked up at the cloud as it breathed with sincerity,
“I promise to never leave you.”
So, I looked to the stars to see if their constellations spelt out the truth.
They were so distant and so hard to read
maybe if I put enough effort I could reach them
My body drained itself of life
adhering to becoming a butterfly that could live on the moon.
The stars ended their silent treatment and started to make noises
I assumed they'd know the answers to the universe
because why would they not?
But, as my eyes met their bright, hypnotic gaze,
my ears were filled with nonsensical ramblings of gibberish.
Pure disappointment
and utter lies
I caught a glimpse of the nightmarish sun and realized how above me it is;
no amount of attempts at greatness could ever make someone like me,
someone like that.
The sun rose and bubbled above us all like a boiling angry god splattering burning acid onto our gentle heads and tenderly wove words into the summer breeze:
I am the lies of your aspirations.
I am all of every persons’ bleeding black blood.
I am shrilling for praise and screeching out for love without knowing a name.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi, Eucalyptusjoos here! I haven't had the chance to read any of your works before, so I can remedy that now.
It feels like the 'birds' that have assimilated to the nature in your surroundings and trying to cast out the outsider, which is you. You don't fit in, whether by the image you were designed or the decisions you've taken.
I like how you've reiterated the 'flowing' which coincidentally does add to the flow of the work.
You are not 'useful' because you're burdened by your tears and your 'sensitive' self that feels too much and just can't seem to stop feeling it.
No matter where you to go, whether bountiful and flowing waters or a dry and barren minefield, you are out of place. It hurts too much to think, about memories too far out of your grasp, that you can revisit only through fleeting deja vu. Those memories of a time where you did not know or feel quite so much, understood only sweet things and disavowed all else, simple innocence. You can long, and long all you want, but you will never belong. You are stuck in an existential crisis and you can never get out because there is no other place to go.
The 'brain fog' will stay thick, and you can bat it away and squint your eyes, but how will you see without any light?
I think this poem is not about one person or one experience but the sum total of the meaning of life that you've tried to capture in two hands that have only ten fingers and two palms.
You 'reminisce' alongside the clouds, guessing about the lives you cannot have, using this as a form of escapism.
The clouds will never leave you. They might flow away, to skies over someone else's head, but that white sight, that dew on your skin and the impression on your eyelids will stay. You'll have to return to the real world soon. Back to that great vortex of thought.
You can look to the clouds, the stars, the moon, the sun, but even they cannot 'capture' infinity that reverberates in your mind.
As great as the sun is, it cannot burn your thoughts away. It cannot even burn itself out. It is only something to pity, even more pitiable than you are.
Your aspirations mean nothing. You can try, and fall, and get back up, and even win, and you'll still be nothing. You can scream, and you can cry, and you can whine until you die.
So that was it for my interpretation! Really long, but I just loved your poem.
The imagery is extensively amazing and so vigorous that it does not leave your mind.
This is like a very good description of an existential crisis.
I suggest sectioning parts of the poem into irregular paragraphs to make some parts more hard-hitting. This will also make the alliteration and repetition more resounding. Not much to improve, this poem is genuinely awesome.
10/10, will definitely check out your other works.
hello! first impression of you is that you are AMAZING at describing things. you interpreted my poem in such a vivid way and im so so glad you liked it. so i will go see if youve written anything because if you have it must be awesome! i should probably add that the line breaks kinda got lost in transference from google docs to here but i totally agree with your suggestion and that i should experiment more with formatting! review was much appreciated thanks a lot!
Heyyyyyy
I haven't written a review in so long ( I was never good at it ) I have quite forgotten how to write a decent one, so forgive me for anything non sensical. Anddd feel free to correct me if I misunderstood smthg.
Upon first reading it, I did find some lines I did not completely understand but nonetheless the choice of words and metaphors kept me going. The starting was my favourite part as I liked how the repetition of the words 'constant flowing' created this flow. (heh?) Ngl being the passive reader I am, it took me quite some time to finally realize what I was reading. ( You get extra points for that!!!! )
The poem starts with low flying birds speaking with disdain about how you were a flimsy leaf in this very busy world. Now adding to my prior point about the starting being my fav- The choice of words evoked that feeling that you had to be continuously working even if you're not fine with it. Idk abt this interpretation but it sounded the most apt rn?
Now here is where my brain started crashing- 'Deja vu would have found me first though'.
Is this like starting over and feeling that sense of deja vu? I think I might need a lil explanation cause when I read the next two lines, this is how I interpret.
Fast forwarding to when the cloud says it would never leave the leaf alone, I think the leaf finds someone who prioritises it and believes it making that thing said stick, even though it wasn't able to comprehend everything else.
In this newfound hope he leaf tries to become smthg it never would be able to do as in a butterfly that could live on the moon. Then the stars which seemed to appear a metaphor for...realistic thoughts....(Help)
The poem ends with the leaf realising that no amount of attempts at unrealistic change could've make someone like it.
I might not have understood it in the same way as the poet but nonetheless it was a great poem
love, peace and absolute bs
nandini
thank you so much for the kind reply! so yea its sorta of hard to understand cause i wanted it be be able to be interpreted in many ways based on someones experience in our world we inhabit. i enjoy that you liked my word choice! the line about deja vu was more of so a play on words since i said i find myself in a dry barren minefield and saying deja vu found me first meant that i sort of realized i was falling back into a pattern where everything felt risky or i was just feeling sort of out of bodied in a way like disassociating in a stressed out position. the stars kind of represent feeling hopeless in a way while i thought was a nice transition into a sort of self doubting comparison. anyways thanks again and no interpretation is wrong! im glad you enjoyed it.
I love this! It has great meaning behind it, veiled in words that seem to flow from the mind. The repetition is good, too! Overall a great piece :]
thank you! im happy you found this to be great!