I know her.
Innocence that jumped rope all day alone
I’ve only met her memory
Yet she haunts me everyday.
Bawling my eyes down a river
like a boat
Her death brought me to life,
I was born her age
7
and came to take all the dead girl had.
Hating everything,
stuffing it closed in the closet with her skeleton
because I couldn’t stand to throw her sweet stench away
I’m glad she never met me
because I think she’d ask me to play with her,
or to cover her ears from all the yelling.
I couldn’t live with myself knowing,
she doesn't hate me
I stole her life
ruined it
ruined her name
ruined everything she worked for
I killed her.
but she still loves who she’ll
never get to be
She’ll always love herself
and has to love me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,273 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hello! I bookmarked this poem in hopes of reviewing it, so now is the time!
The poem is so poignant in it's delivery, but not so direct that it feels abrasive. The opening line, "I know her." hooks the reader to know more. It's a great introduction to a poem that reveals heart-ache and reflection from the narrator.
This poem genuinely feels like the narrator is writing to someone outside of themselves. I love this dramatic effect of writing to themselves but it seeming so distant. I find sometimes poems that are written from the narrator to themselves to be a little cheesy, but this poem feels haunting and gut-wrenching.
These lines perfectly act as the thesis to this poem. Grieving what once was and feeling almost a distain for the past, while simultaneously wishing to preserve it and cherish what it used to be. I feel like you could have really expanded on this image even more, or use the image of a "skeleton in the closet" in other parts of the poem, which would compliment the haunting mood of the piece.
These short lines give a hurried breathlessness while reading, a rushing of thought and writing. It fits well with the voice of the narrator. Here is where I began to understand that the poet is writing about themselves. Something about the line "I killed her" solidifies the overall feeling of regret over time.
Wow, what an ending! We are forced to sit with ourselves and reflect upon the past, present, and future. We are told the importance of loving yourself even when it seems impossible with all the regret we carry. No one knows us like we know ourselves, so I find this ending to be what wraps the poem up in a bow as a perfect closing. It's hard, painful, and vulnerable.
The title "Blow a Dandelion" also feels reminiscent of wanting to make a wish and change the past, while capitalizing on the childlikeness of blowing out dandelions.
This poem reads like salt to a wound, except the wound is your younger self. What a wonderful poem! Overall, I think more imagery could have strengthened the heart of the poem. However, the poem still reads wonderfully. Can't wait to read more from you soon!
I love your review! It's very kind and detailed. Rereading this poem, I think making a longer version when I get a bit better will make it so much better, so I totally agree with you on going more in depth with the metaphor. Many thanks! (Also forgot to mention I love your poems too ❤️)
Hi. I'd love to review this. I've never met you before so new opportunity I guess.
Why did I immediately grasp the meaning. Or my interpretation.
I have a feeling this is about losing yourself, growing up and becoming someone else. Here, the narrator says they were born her age. And then took over everything the girl had. I feel like the use of the word "death" here doesn't refer to death in the literal sense, but death of a version of yourself.
Maybe something happened here, to make the narrator lose their happiness from childhood. The death of a loved one, a different traumatic experience, something to make the narrator change like this.
This line hits hard. It shows that the narrator is thinking that there can't possibly be any of their older self left, that they've completely changed.
This stanza appears to contradict the previous one. The latter was explaining how the girl is gone, nothing left, killed in a sense. However, the former seems to convey that the girl is still in there, at least a part of her.
I do have one question.
This line confuses me. It might just be the wording, but I have no idea what the message trying to be conveyed here is. If you could clarify up those lines, that would be amazing!
Anyway, that's about it. Thanks for the great read!
-Eli
hello eli! you did get the meaning pretty well! the lines "Bawling my eyes down a river/like a boat" are to show the guilt the narrator has when thinking about their childhood self and how when they think of it they cry i guess because they feel at fault.
OHHH okay!
Hello!
Oooh this is really nice! I saw that you wanted to hear what our interpretations were so here's mine:
There was a 7 year-old girl, but then some sort of spirit killed her and transformed into a doppelgänger of her, stealing her life? Then they went into the world and ruined her reputation, which is why she should hate them, but somehow she doesn't. Without context, I was strugeling with the sentences at first, but then I got an idea on what was happening, and that slowly changed while I was reading. I may be totally wrong, but - yea - and I had a zombie picture in my head at the end, and a Tom Riddle (Harry Potter) picture at the start. This probably sounds confusing but I don't know how to explain it otherwise :/
Overall litteracy wise it was really good, I found no spelling mistakes though I might have missed one who knows, and I don't have any suggestions.
Thank you for sharing, keep writing and have a wonderful day!^^
-HMMHhehe the potato
hmm interesting interpretation. i think it's cool! thanks for the review.