Love was a piece of candy. One you would taste forever if you could. One that you’d eat during stressful times. And one that would never cause you displeasure. Sweet, sour, spicy, bitter anything you’d like it to be! It was yours to create and conceive, darken and dream, rinse and repeat. Too good to be true to me.
Love was the color red. It was bright and stuck in your eyes. Looking into a light for too long and having your vision blurred. Hearts, roses, checking the calendar and seeing it’s Valentine’s day. Artificial but still so real. A color that's a warning you can fully ignore. Distortion and dismay in the most beautiful way. The look of passion and the look of your teary reflection.
Love was your favorite flower. Soft and slow waiting for a no and getting yes. Missing its welcome at every goodbye. A wonderful flower that seems so innocent in a guilty world. Longing to feel its scent until the world collapses on top of you, but you know the flower would have gone on with its own life by then. It’s knowing the departure was inevitable and written into the pages of your often used but dust-scented book, it will say, “Everything will lose its scent with time, but you’ll never stop coming back.” A waiting game that you always lose.
Love was a familiar voice. Something to bring you back to earth when you float away. Dreading it being raised, wishing for consolation or praise. The words of all the letters you were never written, the short replies, and waiting for demise. The hatred that always lives inside love. It was your voice sounding so excited to hear them speak, long late night calls, and telling others how much you love them, telling others how much you hate them. Miscommunication, hearing them concerned, hearing how happy they are around everyone but you.
Love was the last touch of their hand. Waiting for clarity and for your daydreams to come true. It was getting used to their body temperature and feeling safe in their arms everyday for half a minute. Not caring what others might think of you because you didn’t care together. A loud reminder of the past and even now you know you can’t take it back much like words. Touch lingering on your lips knowing it’ll fade away eventually. Hugging your pillow while crying. Desperation and getting over devotion. Everyday hoping for their gaze to touch you, but being in pain when it does.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Whoa... This is beautiful. You should totally keep writing poetry cause your like really good at it! Keep up the amazing work!
thank you so muchh!
This piece is really, really emotional and evocative. It's passion and pain and regret all mixed together. Really nice job.
I really liked how you started each paragraph with "love was..." It gave the poem rhythm, and ensured that the meaning didn't get lost in metaphor.
Some stand-out lines:
"Too good to be true to me." This closes out the first paragraph nicely. It's a simple statement that changes the meaning of the previous text. It shows that while love is almost perfect, it's good to be true. The candy metaphor was an excellent vessel for this concept.
"A color that's a warning you can fully ignore." I personally really love this line, because it creates such a strong feeling and mental image for me. It's a perfect way to say love is a red flag without actually stating it.
"Desperation and getting over devotion." Getting over devotion is such a good way to illustrate a breakup, because that's truly what a breakup is. It's also just a pretty line in general.
However, I noticed that some lines were a bit vague and/or unspecified/overwrought. They were sort of jarring in a piece so flowery and meaningful.
Some lines that might need work:
"It was bright and stuck in your eyes." This image sort of stands out even as the reader moves on from it, but not in the best way. "Stuck in your eyes" makes me personally think of a sharp object in someone's eye. "Bright" as the adjective to preface it made it even more jarring. If you want to keep "stuck in your eyes," that's completely fine. Just make sure the words before it give some depth to the metaphor, should you choose to use it.
"It’s knowing the departure was inevitable and written into the pages of your often used but dust-scented book, it will say, 'Everything will lose its scent with time, but you’ll never stop coming back.'" Your intention with this line was clear, but the execution was a bit shaky. This sentence is a bit of a run on, so I would recommend changing the comma after "dust-scented book" to a period. You also use the word "scent" one after the other, so I would recommend finding a synonym. Also, "coming back" is a bit vague. Coming back to what?
To improve this piece further, I would suggest reading it aloud all the way through, and read it with the grammar you've used (e.g pause when you have a comma, stop when you have a period).
Otherwise, it's a really lovely piece. Nice work!
thank you very much for the review! well appreciated
I love how u present love using different metaphors like candy, color, flowers, voice, and touch to show how complex and contradictory love can feel, and how each section explores both the beauty and pain of love at the same time, especially how something sweet or comforting can also feel confusing or overwhelming.
The imagery is strong and vivid, especially the parts about love being a color red and a familiar voice. It creates a sense of emotional intensity that feels personal and reflective. The writing also captures how love can shift between warmth and hurt, closeness and distance, which makes it relatable.
At times, the descriptions feel a bit dense, but that also adds to the emotional weight of the piece. Overall, i think it is a thoughtful and expressive exploration of love that leaves a strong impression.
thank you! i agree with the density you talked about as i did overexplain some things.