Her love is a hair that grows and falls and grows again, maybe long.
Sometimes her messages, an annoyance and other times I worship it.
I’m so inconsistent and non-committing.
When will I love like she wants it,
and like how she needs it?
Why do I touch her pretty butterfly wings and make her fall
away.
But, she finds out how to fly again and flies right in my face and cries.
Do I hug her?
Do I shoo her away like a fly?
I look at her and watch my eyes melt into her and become one with her pretty skin.
She said I smell clean.
Does she even understand me in the slightest or care how I’m doing?
Is she trying?
Am I putting too much pressure on what I want or need?
All I need is love.
Why is it so hard to let them get close?
I bathe in her breathing that’s inaudible.
and watch her close,
probably too close.
I watch her hair and how it moves as she walks, and I walk in her trail
and become her pretty shadow.
A super pretty shadow of her.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I thought that sometimes the girls are the ones that get more nervous when it comes to love. The boys are usually the ones that are always cool about it, and are kind of chill about it. But it turns out those myths in my feeble brain were all wrong! I think your gf would really like this poem and I hope you show it to her because, ooh lalalal it's so ROMANTIC!
''Her love is a hair that grows and falls and grows again, maybe long.
Sometimes her messages, an annoyance and other times I worship it.''
I am the clingy partner of my relationship and sometimes I feel as if when I send him a billion messages in under one hour, he'll be annoyed. But he actually seems to enjoy me texting him, is what he said. I like how you say you worship her messages, now that's adorable!
For the rest of your poem, I kind of didn't understand all of your thoughts, because they were all there all at once, but your feelings are definitely relatable. I think you're a good bf/gf(sorry if I made a mistake earlier).
I hope you show this to her friend!
im glad you enjoyed it! my apologizes for the late reply. i really appreciate that you said that. funny enough me and her actually broke up in like november or something i did have a new partner by this valentines day though and hes very sweet.
Hey there, the Rebel is here as your Valentine Reviewer! Let's get into the poem with a line-by-line analysis!
So, well, from the first glance, this seems to be a love poem written in free verse directed at a beloved! Perfect for Valentine's Day! :p
I think the other review has covered this (not sure, as I didn't read it) but I will repeat it regardless: the hair analogy is quite sweet for a first line. It is a bit unpolished and unrefined, but so is newborn love! I like how you follow up with a similar line but refer to more modern this time. The insecurities come forward in the third line and the last two enjambed lines continue the sentiment. Just a small critique, the fifth line should have ended with a question mark, not a period/full stop.
These lines scream insecurities. The metaphors are quite imaginative to be honest, and the whole metamorphosis metaphor (that's a mouthful to say out loud) is kinda cute when you think about it. Also, I loved the semi-rhyming between 'cries' and 'fly'---the contrast between the words highlights the ever-present question of love: do you only know you love her when you let her go?
Just wanted to mention how this made me chuckle out loud XD. I love when random stuff is written out of instincts and make up a beautiful paradox when you really think about it.
Now, the insecurities turn to the other side: questioning fidelity in love. Now, that's quite a tricky thorn to pick (not many know more about that than me lol) but I find your sudden change of description a bit too out-of-place, but maybe that's just me. I am also a bit confused about what the narrator refers to by 'them' in the last quoted line. Love? But why should 'love' be a third person, neutral plural/singular pronoun. Kinda weird to me.
The ending was quite wholesome as it completed a circle and referred back to the first line of the poem. The insecurities, the hair reference/metaphor, and the super casual ending in general seemed kinda cute to me.
Personally, I don't like to 'judge' poems, but I would say that---with a bit of refinement and thought---you could be a really cool and relatable love poet some day. Happy Valentine's Day! :p
i appreciate your advice! it seemed you liked reading it and thats what matters most to me. the them was referring to the girl i was talking about and i agree the switch was sort of out of place. i also agree with the other critisisms you had. thank you for replying!
On its own the poem is such a lovely poem, then the added context in the bio makes this even sweeter! This poem spills out so much about the speaker's feelings with a playful beat to it, while revealing this intensity of what it means to hold deep feelings for another. What it means for the depth to be so lovely and in some ways, taunting. What it means for that to pipe up unanswered and, perhaps, uncomfortable revelations about you and her. There is a duality this poem represents in love that I appreciate; the lightness and the heaviness of her, the speaker, and their dynamic.
The introduction to this poem draws an interesting comparison to love and hair, to say that love, her love specifically, is likened to something natural that many of us possesses. However with that nature comes with some unpredictability in how it will grow and at what point it will reach, which mirrors the speaker's constant shifts in how they interpret her love. The "maybe long" hints at some longevity of this love that this speaker remains to be aware of despite in how they see this love as "growing, falling, growing again." - this inconsistent, thing that is natural for her.
Annoyance and worship bring in the duality of this love from the speaker that gives more nuance to their love for her. There's something about recognizing, and allowing yourself to be annoyed at someone who you care about so deeply that makes that care more real despite the idolization littered throughout this poem. The admission following after gives the care even more weight due to the honesty from the impact of this love!
She is light and airy, yet that brings this heaviness the speaker continues to grapples with. While "down" could perhaps make more sense with the action "make her fall", the word "away" (alongside with it existing in a different line) gives emphasis on this separation in the closeness which is something I like with the word choice! The speaker tries to connect with this airy and lightness, only to make her fall as an attempt to create distance that only fails as she continues to seek them anyways.. there's the desire to connect or not to that is paradox, which gives an interesting quality to the topic on love.
This battle in creating distance or to become closer and let her in is expressed with the questions following after this "butterfly" being ruthless in her desire to come close that are concluded with an interesting answer. Instead of taking either decision, the speaker "melts into her and become one" with her. The answer is loaded and long, but is the most easiest one without fully addressing these conflicting desires. With the intensity there's the solution to wanting to become closer, but without the commitment to affection and opening themselves for another that only brings more concerns.
A consequences of "melting" into another is the lack of individuality that is able to be seen and understood, which comes to be an unsatisfying way of trying to be loved. While the act of "melting" with another would be usually associated with pure intense, deep love, here this act creates something more simple and unsatisfying due to the lack of individuality which is something I appreciate a lot!!
"Probably too close" gives an impression of the speaker's feeling deep care for her and wanting her love inciting attentive nature, however the additional context of the speaker's personal issues with receiving and giving love also gives implications that the speaker is attentive to make sure she doesn't come close. The double meaning here is so interesting - this manages to be warmth but be very cautious as well.
This draws back to the introduction which is a lovely detail!! To walk in her trail is also a great description of being "her shadow", and the imagery that the speaker walks before "merging" into her shadow being given here adds to the build-up which really great!!
This poem was a lovely read!!
thank you a lot for reviewing my poem! this review was very indepth and im happy you enjoyed my poem. as i write more i tend to lean into a more dream like environment and experimenting with word choice and i think its cool you noticed that!
I like the line about the eyes melting into her.
I don't like the general description of her though (too much use of pretty) but maybe that is just because I don't understand poetry ^^°
Have a great day!
heh yea now that i look at it i couldve done better with that thanks!
This is nice, good work!
thank you