helpless
if i could do
something
it’ll be right
choices tick
tick tick
on the clock
if i hold time
if i hold forever
if
i
could do
Anything
loneliness
no one
speaks to me
but i still try
praying
pleading
begging
screaming
when i’ve lost the last person
who can look me in my eye
do you hate me? (again?)
why does everyone hate me? (again?)
(what did you expect?) …
…
hopelessness
i’ve loss the drive
that makes me–
a l i v e , , ,
y l
r l
g u
n f
u
h
what makes me Anything…
what makes me Nothing…
so i wonder what i am now
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Canary word: Present
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139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hia and good morning to you!
The summary for this was kinda intriguing, I recently read @rainforest’s poem which did interesting things with placing text and background colours, after all!
Ohh I like the idea of speaking of a clock, and then holding time, forever—Also how you connect it to the helplessness, an endless stream of “if only I” …
And for the alone section, maybe you could have gone a bit further with the formatting? Putting the pleading/begging/screaming verses even further leftward?
Ohh and that part has the right emphasis imo! I especially like the (again)!
That said, maybe it’s bc there are too many syllables but I don’t feel the same impact from “why does everyone hate me” Hmmm
Hmmm I don’t think I know why you put hungrily and full like that but it looks very cool!
Nice poem :3
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thanks! i loved the suggestions ❤️
Hello there! As it has come to pass that I stumbled upon your poem, and it is without a doubt that the poem is quite good. I usually don't write reviews for poetry because I am not very good at analyzing them and seeing the deeper meaning, but I would say that I enjoy visual poetry that plays around with formatting and other visual elements.
This poem feels like consciousness flow, not in a way that it is hard to understand, but as it is very... first-person-ish? IDK how to explain that, but I think you get it. This poem feels very melancholic and evokes a sense of loss which I think is very beautiful.
yay im so glad you liked it. thanks for reviewing!
i need advice on how to title poems better fr.
Try to pick something out of your poem (like just pick a line or part) that is short, exciting and will hook the reader.
thanks for the advice. i personally dont like doing that too often but it works sometimes.