We are all lost
trapped in an endless battle.
Do we commit ourselves to what we think we are
or strive to be something new?
We cannot find our way out of the endless maze that surrounds us all.
We go our separate ways paths sometimes joining or diverging.
The walls of the maze are ever shifting
you can never be certain you'll wind up where you want.
Death could be waiting round any corner but life could continue instead.
So it goes as we wander the maze until we find ourselves dead.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I really loved your opening line
I always have this belief that when you have a good opening line then it will be easier to have readers. Keeping them is a different matter.
Your use of rhetorical questions was also very effective.
I felt that the most powerful line in this poem would have to be:
I could almost feel the emotion bursting through as I read on.
Your ending line was also very powerful
I loved how the maze was a metaphor for life and found it to be very relatable. Great job my dear, a very amazing poem you have written.
Hello!!
I'm Nargles and I am gonna review your poem for you.
I like this poem, it is good. The idea of life being a maze, hard to get through, with many dead ends and bad turns. While not exactly a new idea, the way you present it is good and intriguing. Good job!
I'm not going to go into punctuation and all because Fortis had already done a good job at it.
While the length is fine you could expand it and make it longer, I feel as if you could do more with the idea and all that. But that's up to you.
I do really have much more to say, except good job!
Keep writing
Nargles xxx
Hello!
I liked this poem, but it needs a little work, especially in the punctuation etc.
But first, the content!
I like what you're trying to say. Life is like a maze. We cannot really navigate through it the way we like. I really have no complaints on the content. good job.
Really, in my opinion, the only thing that needs work is the punctuation. Now don't get me wrong, you can punctuate any way you want to. I'll just outline the changes I made in red. (let's hope my coding works)
We are all lost:
trapped in an endless battle.
Do we commit ourselves to what we think we are,
or strive to be something new?
We cannot find our way out of the endless maze that surrounds us all.
We go our separate ways, paths sometimes joining or diverging.
The walls of the maze are ever shifting.
You can never be certain you'll wind up where you want.
Death could be waiting round any corner or life could continue instead.
So it goes as we wander the maze until we find ourselves dead.
So the last two lines seem a little weird. I think you were trying to rhyme, but it came off a little forced. And the end was rather abrupt. I don't know how to tell you to fix this other than to get rid of the rhyme and figure out what you really want to say instead.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem. Keep writing!
~Fortis