Long ago a village lived in constant fear of being attacked by wolves.
The wolves lived in a dark forest beside the village and were mercliess creatures. In the night they slaughtered many with their razor-sharp fangs and long claws.
To prevent further attacks, the people erected a tall bell tower so they could know if the wolves were coming and defend themselves. Every night, a scout would stand in the tower and watch the dark forest, ready to ring the bell should he spot a wolf.
One afternoon, the appointed scout entered the forest to collect firewood and did not return. That night. the villagers sent his son, a boy named Alistair, to replace his father in the tower.
In the darkest recesses of the forest, the wolves gathered for a meeting. They celebrated the death of the scout who had prevented their attacks, and discussed the next stage of their plan.
The wolves knew that a new scout would keep watch in the tower. If they could ensure that the people didn't trust the newcomer, then the village would be theirs for the taking.
On Alistair's first night as scout, he gripped the bellrope tight in hand. He was determined to keep the villagers safe as his father had. The moon was shrouded by a cloud and he had to squint in the dark, but Alistair's eyes bulged when the silhouette of a dog emerged from the trees.
He yanked the bellrope up and down, sending loud chimes throughout the village.
Alistair looked to the cottages. Men were barging outdoors, weapons in hand. When his gaze returned to the forest, the wolf had disappeared.
The men shook their fists at Alistair, shouting curses. They told him not to trouble them with his fantasies, and went back to bed.
The next night, Alistair climbed the tower with slumped shoulders. He decided that the wolf was a fignment of his imagination and was embarrased to have woken everyone.
He held the bellrope loosely, scanning the horizon. Nothing stirred until midnight, when Alistair saw three shadows emerging from the forest. He closed his eyes and opened them – the wolves were still there. Alistair wasn't imagining it.
He yanked on the bellrope, sending loud chimes throughout the village.
Alistair looked to the cottages. Men were barging outdoors, weapons in hand. When his gaze returned to the forest, the wolves had disappeared.
Alistair cried as the men shook their fists at him, shouting curses. No one would believe that he had seen any wolves. They threatened to punish him if they were woken again, and went back to bed.
The following evening, Alistair took some raw meat from the village stores. He placed it outside the dark forest in hope that the wolves would snatch it and leave a trail of blood. Then the villagers would have to believe him.
When night fell, Alistair paced back and forth in the tower. The clouds were blocking all light, so he watched the trees with squinting eyes.Each clap of thunder and woosh of wind made him think the wolves were approaching, but they did not come.
Rain began falling and Alistair huddled by the bellrope. He searched the trees but saw nothing in the pitch black. Then lightning struck.
Alistairs gasped as the ground was illuminated – a whole pack of wolves was racing towards the village. He yanked on the bellrope, sending loud chimes throughout the village.
Alistair ran to meet the small number of men who had emerged, weapons held loosely by their sides.They marched to the village edge, but there wasn't a single wolf in sight.
The men, dripping wet, shook their fists and shouted curses. Alistair stood firm and told them about the piece of meat he had placed outside the forest.Sure enough, the bait was gone. But alas, the rain had washed away any trail the blood might have left.
Come morning, the villagers held Alistair on trail. They decided to lock him in an iron cage at night so he could not wake them, foolishly believing that the tower alone would deter a wolf attack.
While the village slept, Alistair was wide awake. He could see the tower's entrance through the bars and wished he was keeping watch over the forest.
A dark shadow passed over Alistair and he froze, a growl echoing through the cage.Something was moving behind him.
It was the pack of wolves! They prowled in the streets, foam dripping from their snarling jaws. Alistair screamed, a dozen sets of red eyes looking at him. He raised his hand to pull the bellrope, but snatched at thin air. The wolves smiled.
Alistair shouted words of warning, but it was meaningless once the wolves began howling.Locked inside the cage, Alistair could do nothing as the wolves attacked his village. Doors crashed open, fires errupted, and curtains tore in shreds. Pots smashed, children screamed, and blood painted the earth.
Alistairscratched at his ears, trying to drown out the screams of his people as the wolves feasted on their flesh. They spared no one. Only he remained, a trembling heap in the cage. It was a fate worse than death.
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140,739 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hello, I'm here for a review. If there any inquiry, feel free to comment below.
The introduction of this short stories is not strong enough, the first paragraph was just too bland. Maybe description a terror of how the wolves terrorize the village.
merciless creatures.
stand at the most top of the tower, on guard, watching the dark forest.
would not trust the newly-appointed scout. "didn't" means it already happened.
The lightning struck? where? nearby? Because clap of thunder means there was lightning in the sky the whole time.
The ending was... cruel. It reminded me of the story of the lying shepherd. But there is no moral value to this story. It is not suitable as a story told by children in a bedtime story. Because the bad guy(wolves) win and the good guy(the hardworking scout) loses everything.
Anyway, this is a nice story with minimal description and straightforward. Thanks for writing such nice piece of works.
~Wendy
Okay, woah!
Firstly,
This is an awesome story!
And I totally loved how you told it and you are fantastic writer!
You should keep on writing some more!
Secondly,
Your story really caught my attention and it is really good!
I think you beat the original version!
And lastly,
This is my first time to give a review so, I hope you like it.
Take care,
And I really loved it a lot!
Thank you!!
This is such a wonderful version of the original! I could easily see this actually happening as a realistic short (as in a film) of some sort. Giving the view point of the wolves was really original on your part, and I couldn't help but smile at how you portrayed them; exactly as wolves are, devious and cunning.
keep it up!
This reminds me of the original, but better if I'm honest.
I can't see anything to improve. Your work is already perfect.
Thanks!
you never disappoint, I have yet to read a piece of your that I find nothing wrong with and I mean it. Now as you know I need to rant before so the rest of the review is professional.
HOLY SHITAKI MUSHROOM YOU ARE A BRIILLIANT WRITER AND THE MILLIONS SCREAM I AM NOY WORTHY * bows*
There not that tendency is out of the way lets begin.
As stated below I do agree that I love how you gave insight in the minds of the wolves and the plans they developed where in the original you only heard of the boy.
I also enjoyed that you made the boy focus on the task instead of goofing off you again gave a different perspective to this fantastic tale.
I also enjoyed that your tale reminded me of the book of Grimm, it had that original eerie tone as the reader continues. (P.S I will now tell all youngsters of your story :3)
Next, I liked the details of it was to late and showing the reader that the wolves could not get through the cage it was a nice touch and clear up confusion and instant questions that arise.
Lastly, Love Love Love your details, imagery, and diction you are incredible in every way, shape, and form and I never tire of reading your brilliance.
Sincerely,
Fallen
Thank you so much!
HOLY COW! this was awesome! I loved this story growing up and you just made it that much better! Now onto the review. I'm not going over the nickpicks because I have none. So onto the pros!
I liked the detail of adding the wolves could not get past the cage, it added to the effect that the boy was listening to the attacks all through the night, yet can not get hurt because of the cage its like a double edged sword I guess.
I loved how you gave the reader a look at what the wolves thought where in the story the wolves are never really mentioned and there plans never revealed. I also liked how each night was exactly an hour later until midnight they attacked the village.
I also liked how you ended it, cage 1 wolves 15
I really liked your last line though of saying by then it was to late, it really reminded me of a grimm tale.
Beside that Amazing job don't ever change your writing style cause its awesome!
P.S love the boys name
~Night
Thank you, it means a lot.
Hey, Drac! Storm here for another review this morning. Go Earthbenders!
This review is probably going to be a bit shorter simply because I have to eat breakfast soon... Let's get to it! (Reviewing, that is, not eating breakfast.)
First, I honestly love the spin you took on this original story. You elaborated much more with the simple "the boy herds lambs and then yells out then eventually the wolf really comes back, yatti, yatti, yattah." I never cared much for the original tale although it has a good moral, but your rendition is much more exciting and interesting! While the sentence structure is fairly simple, I would imagine that this is the effect you were going for to stay close to the childish storybook point of view, right? Love it.
A few grammatical errors did rear their ugly heads, however, such as in the first paragraph: "To alert them if seige..." "Seige" here should actually be written as "siege." Perhaps it'd be a good idea to rerun this short story through spell-check once again.
And then I reached the middle section of the story and instantly loved it. There's something highly fascinating to me about twists on old fairy tales, so I found it intriguing that you managed to give the audience more of a perspective into Alistair's point of view in the situation. It makes one wonder how many times the full story in life was never revealed...
Overall, this was a pleasing little find to have stumbled upon. Thank you for sharing, Drac! See you around. *Earthbender high five* And as always: Write on!
---Storm
Hello there, Dreamy here for a review.
The story was interesting and rather precise, like a definition to a theory. But then again, it was very good. The repetition of the line,
this made me think, maybe I'm reading the same line over and over again, which is a sincere confusion. Maybe you could make it more involving by building up either the character's emotion or the set up of the scene. It doesn't have to be an info dump, but a slight touch of these things will have a smooth reading.
So, the wolves took the meat according to Alistair's plan, right? And if there is no meat, there should be a blood trail, right? Maybe try give us a slight insight of what happened there? Or you could even make it as an small dialogue exchange part.
I enjoyed your work. I felt like I'm reading a kids storybook, which is really a good thing.
Keep writing!
Cheers!
Although I can see everything that's going on, I don't feel emotionally attached to Alistair. Try to show how he feels as you describe the scene.
Also, sentences have rhythm. You have mostly long sentences, and two sentences that are 32-33 words long. This is fine, but maybe a few 5-9 word sentences. Dunno, that's just what I think.