z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Like Swallowing a Vitamin

by Dracula


Once upon a time, a girl ate an egg. It was the size of her fingernail and red like a cherry tomato. Her younger sister had dared her to swallow it whole, so she had.

“How do you feel?” Her sister asked.

“It’s stuck in my throat.” She waved at the sink. “Get me some water.”

Her sister handed over a cup of water and watched curiously as she gulped it down.

“How about now? Is it unstuck?”

The girl smacked her lips. “Like swallowing a vitamin.”

They tried to maintain straight faces, but burst into a fit of laughter.

“I can’t believe you swallowed it whole!”

“I said I would! Maybe a chick will hatch inside me!”

The girl laughed so hard that her skin tingled and she started coughing.

Her sister backed away. “You’re not going to vomit it, are you?”

“No, I just choked on my own spit.” She waved at the empty cup and her sister obediently refilled it. “I can feel the egg swooshing around in my stomach.”

“That’s disgusting.” Her sister’s face screwed up.

“No it’s not, it science. Digestion.”

“I don’t mean the egg. I mean that.” She pointed at the girl’s face, which was turning an off shade of green.

“What?” The girl walked over to the mirror and screamed. “My face!”

“Now it’s happening to your arms! The egg must have been poison!”

The girl’s arms weren’t going green, but bright red like cherry tomatoes.

“I feel sick!” she moaned, grabbing her stomach.

“I’ll call Mum!”

“No!” As her sister made a dash for the phone, the girl beat her to it and snatched the handset.

Her sister recoiled in shock and shouted, “Your hand! It has feathers!”

The girl watched helplessly as red feathers sprouted from her skin.

“What’s happening?!”

She lost her grip on the handset and it fell on her foot. Except it didn’t hurt, the device just bounced off.

“I have claws!” Where her feet had been, there were now sharp talons. Green feathers covered her legs.

Then something shot out below her eyes and she couldn’t see the floor.

“You’ve grown a beak!” Her sister squealed. “I want to call Mum!”

“What’s going on!” the girl shrieked as wings burst through the back of her shirt. “What’s happening! Help me! Get a- caw! Caw! Caw!”

She gripped her feathery throat with her clawed fingers, trying to speak, but now she could only caw.

Her sister backed towards the door, she looked petrified.

“Caw! Caw!” The girl screamed for help. She should never have swallowed that egg. “Caw! Caw!” She needed her sister to come back and get a doctor.

The girl swung around to face the mirror, her wings knocking some plates to the floor, and let out a terrifying squawk when she saw her reflection.

She was no longer a girl. She was a man-sized, long-beaked, feathery, red-green bird! She was hideous! She was… She was…

At that moment, the girl’s mind transformed into a monstrous bird’s and she lost all sense of self. The change was complete, the egg was hatched.

“Caw! Caw! Caw!” The bird was starving. The only thing on its mind was food. And teeny-tiny bugs just weren’t going to cut it for the ginormous avian. It needed something more.

The sister was running up the stairs to her mother’s study; she knew there was another phone in there.

She never got the chance to use it.

The bird spread its wings and glided up the stairwell, trapping the screaming sister in its claws. In one graceful movement, it touched down on the landing and threw the sister into its beak, a gaping black hole.

Then it swallowed.

The sister slid down its throat as easily as a vitamin. The bird’s stomach protruded and wobbled as she squirmed inside. The acid burned her skin and ate at her bones, and the stomach muscles gurgled and groaned. Now that was digestion.

The bird smiled, satisfied for now. But it knew its hunger would return.

“Caw!” It hopped to a window and watched as some children played on the road. “Caw! Caw!” A car drove around them, filled with humans. “Caw! Caw!” A man walked past with his dog.

The bird flapped its wings and pulled its head back. Then it thrust its beak at the window, shattering the glass.

It was free, food was plentiful, and the bird knew it would live happily ever after.


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User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 775
Reviews: 12

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Sun Mar 25, 2018 10:09 pm



O geez. "It's science. Digestion" XD You have great humor!




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6 Reviews


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Reviews: 6

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Sun Mar 25, 2018 5:00 pm
RedWingsBlueSky wrote a review...



Hey it's RedWingsBlueSky with a review for you! This is a pretty good story. As you said in the description, it's not very horrific, but it does have some things that don't quite fit. For example, why didn't the older sister want the younger sister to call their mom? If she was turning into a bird, wouldn't she want help? Also, you describe the bird as being the size of a man, but it can swallow the younger sister whole with ease, and although you don't mention there ages, that wouldn't work. There was only one typo I noticed "No it's not, it science, digestion." It should be it's. I really liked your description of how the sister was eaten and the imagery was really good. In general, I quite like this and I think that it is interesting. Thank you and I hope that this helps.




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Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:48 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here to attempt a review.

I really enjoyed reading this story. Its visual imagery enhanced my ability ability to imagine what was happening. Grammar and punctuation are also good which is a big plus since faulty grammar would distract a reader.

Suggestion


The story can be strengthened by providing the girl with a more believable motive than just being a dared to consume or swallow a potentially lethally dangerous object. I would change the egg color to a less threatening hue such as pink or perhaps lavender. This will make her eating it more believable. Otherwise she will come across as brainless.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories.




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Fri Mar 02, 2018 1:34 pm
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hey Dracula! Danni here for a review!

First off, whoa! This started off as fairly spooky then got to full-blown horror. I completely disagree with you, this classifies as a horrifying horror story in my book. It's not as horrifying as most of the others I've read, but certainly horrifying.

I love the way you described the transformation. It really helps you get a sense of how the girl and her sister were feeling.

I love - well, not love, but you know what I mean - the way the girl eats her sister. A real twist.

Overall, I loved this! It was very well-written, with no errors that I could see. I usually end my reviews with some tips on how to improve the work, but I honestly can't see anything that needs improving.

Keep up the good work!

Danni x





Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday