The Tale of Ol' Victoria
'Twas early one muggy summer morn, in the year 1884
That the grating gears of Ol' Victoria whirred no more
All the metalworkers mourned as they prepared to melt her core
And use her parts to help build a railroad way up north
She had brought ambrosia to steam-saturated Dystopia
When widespread famine had engulfed that vast utopia
And with her battalion of droids, she had sought out and destroyed
The anarchists and dictators that tried to claim her home
And from their bones she crafted the most beautiful of thrones
As the workers cranked the wheel to lower her into the molten steel
Lead like sorrow was the only emotion that they could feel
But then out her rusted shell came a sight oh so surreal
An astral projection of the automaton, cloaked in onyx and teal
She told them not to cry as oil cascaded from her eyes
And she began to be enveloped in a swarm of fireflies
"You may only have one life, so make the most of this time"
And then with that swarm of fireflies she began to fly
To somewhere way beyond the zeppelins surfing through the sky
Written by DoormanDan on August 28, 2016
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HEELLO Doorman Dan,
A poem about the honorable death of the heroine Victoria. I have never met her but I respect her any how. She's a robot, but a robot can do many things.
Considering this is a steampunk poem, it's normal that the heroine has a heart of whirling gears and cries oil tears. Hey that rhymes! I especially enjoy poems that rhyme and poems that tell stories on their own. This was a combination of both so congrats, congrats!!
"You may only have one life, so make the most of this time". Life lesson right there. Beautiful ending speech before Victoria dies too. Tells people not to waste what precious time they have.
We honor you Victoria,
Night Kaizer
Thank you so much for reading this piece and giving your opinion. I will admit, as much as I like how this piece turned out, that line you mentioned is probably my least favorite. It feels like a cliche, and I'm thinking of trying to rewrite that one. Cliches are pet peeves of mine, so I'll see what I can think of.
Hey DoormanDan! It's OreosAreLife here for a short review.
So let me just start by saying. THIS WAS AMAZING! Your detail throughout the poem was extraordinary. I also really liked how you used a like old way of talking. The way you carry the reader thought the poem was just amazing. Everything ran together smoothly and your imagination was exquisite. My favorite line in the whole poem would have to be "She told them not to cry as oil cascaded from her eyes". I felt like this was a bit of irony. She telling them not to cry when she was crying herself. Well crying like she can anyway. Overall this was an extraordinary poem and I really think you did an amazing job on it! Keep writing and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
Oreos
Well, I'm very happy to hear that you think so highly of this little poem. I had just learned about steampunk before writing this, and was very inspired by what I saw of the style. Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it!
You're welcome!