Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Resolve the Interference

by DoormanDan


Resolve the Interference

Activate the kinetic mechanism within the machine

And configure its processors to its dying dreams

Disassemble the mainframe and dissect its components

So you can restore it to an optimum level of performance

For this current system is constantly crashing

It's time to analyze and resolve the interference

A personal statement made by DoormanDan on August 9, 2016


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
590 Reviews


Points: 18119
Reviews: 590

Donate
Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:24 pm
View Likes
Lumi wrote a review...



Ayy!

You pull off a decent rhyme scheme in this piece that's not very tired out because not many poets write about machinery in general - the imagery is just difficult to make fluid and beautiful. And while this isn't necessarily fluid or captures a cliche idea of a poem, it certainly captures a strong sentiment of self-actualization after something drastic has caused what your metaphor would call a system crash. I can dig that.

My largest whine would be that you don't really explore the concept of interference at all beyond name dropping it. You mention dying dreams and then drop them. I think you were so caught up in making a concise and rhythmically pleasing poem that you sacrificed quite a bit of content that could've made your ideas much more robust. All the same, consider experimenting with expansion and exploration of thought. There's good potential here.

Hope this helps,
Ty




DoormanDan says...


Hey there, Lumi! Thank you so much for this honest review! I'm aware that this piece isn't as fleshed out as it could be, and that is because I wrote this during a time period when I both was creatively drained and couldn't really focus on writing as much anyway. I've never really gone back to it because...well, I've had many better ideas to work on since writing this. Usually, I do explore my subjects as in depth as I possibly could (my most recent piece, which I haven''t actually posted here yet, I spent three entire hours writing nonstop), but this piece was an exception. This was nothing more than a personal statement to improve myself (which I really needed to do at the time of writing this piece). Anyway, I appreciate the complete honesty in your review! :)




Who, being loved, is poor?
— Oscar Wilde