z

Young Writers Society


12+

Sonata of Your Afterglow

by DoormanDan


Sonata of Your Afterglow
........
........
Your fingers are crayons, but you are color-blind
Your insecurities you just can't leave behind
But even as your mind asphyxiates
In the vexation your effort creates
The art you make you don't appreciate
........
........
You never give yourself a chance to rest
And now your building your own concrete casket
Put down that creative cigarette
Put in your favorite cassette
And play the Sonata of Your Afterglow
Your true worth you've already shown
........
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Malaise in your veins ensnares you in self-dispraise
Staining with shame your psychogenic polonaise
You stare at all the macabre monuments
And question if your actions were prudent
Incarcerated in Resent's basement
........
........
You never tell yourself you tried your best
To save all from the mires of apocalypse
Because of you, we still have a path
To walk on in the aftermath
So play the Sonata of Your Afterglow
In the end, you are a hero
........
........
The sturdiest soul is the one that knows
Perfection is a plant that it can't grow
No matter how many seeds that it sows
So let yourself let go of your sorrow
........
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Demons that are born from the womb of Zest
Are often the most demented and grotesque
So fill up your glass with Luna's light
And shower in the ambernight
This is the Sonata of Your Afterglow
Telling you that your beautiful
........
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Written by DoormanDan on April 16, 2017.


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80 Reviews


Points: 4
Reviews: 80

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Fri May 12, 2017 8:30 pm
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VegasLights wrote a review...



Hey, DoormanDan! VegasLights here for a review!

I like the lyrics and everything, but that vocabulary. Me being a simple person I didn't understand mot of the words you used, but I like that. I like it because it adds a twist to things, it isn't just an ordinary poem. I like your style, and I hope to see more of it.

You know what else would be great? Hearing this on audio because then we would know the rhythm. I do love this though, I mean your vocab is interesting and so are the lyrics. Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I hope you have a great day and I thank you for your time.

~Keep Writing!~

VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)




DoormanDan says...


Hey, VegasLights! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts on this piece! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed my usage of more....unusual words. One goal of mine is to make writing that challenges people on an intellectual level (in the form of getting them to expand their vocabulary and consider things on a more symbolic level). Unfortunately. I don't have an original tune for these lyrics, but if you want to hear the song beat that I mostly wrote this to, search up Young Guns; Die on Time. It's a slow song, but I think it's a pretty good one, and the album it's from is highly underrated. Thanks for reading! :)



VegasLights says...


Thanks for responding! :)



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145 Reviews


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Reviews: 145

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Fri May 12, 2017 5:57 pm
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Thisislegacy wrote a review...



Legacy here for a review.

I like the content of your lyrics, but the average person wouldn't understand your vocabulary. If you are trying to get the approval of the public, you might want to use smaller vocabulary so that they can understand what you mean (but you don't have to if you don't want to).

I would love to hear this played with an instrument (I imagine it being played with a piano or a guitar).

I think you have great content but the vocabulary might be hard for some to understand. Some little editing and then you have a final draft. Legacy.




DoormanDan says...


Hey, Thisislegacy. Thanks for reading! True, the average person isn't going to understand half the words I use in my writing, but that's just how my style is. My goal is to both improve my poetry and find the most creative usage of the English language that I can (I'm inspired by writers like Edgar Allan Poe). There are so many awesome words out there, it would be a shame not to try and use them! Once again, thanks for reading. I appreciate it. :)




Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
— Sir James Dewar, Scientist