In The Dark

Hey Curiosity227! I'm here to review your poem and sorry if my review is bad it's late her xD

Anyway the biggest issues I have with this poem is structure. I would love to see some stanzas and italics. I felt like the poem instead of being one long same looking block of text, it would be cool to have the lines to be inconsistent. Also italicizing the dialogue parts like "who's there". Also "I shut light." what are you trying to say there? And poems like these almost make me want to get rid or all grammar and all capitalization to add a feeling of unfinished finishedness xD if that makes sense. I felt like the "whisper, whisper" "step, step" parts are not necessary. "breath in, breath out" is good because it's not the exact same thing. I just don't really like repeating the same word twice. I think "walk to my bed" should be "walked to my bed". I feel like the poem should be in a past tense, but that's just a feeling.

Anyway hope this was somehow helpful xD
marmalade

*you can PM me if you have any questions//have a nice day or night c:

Hi. This is kman134 here with a review.

I can understand this. Everyone is afraid of the dark. when you go to bed and turn of the lights, you try to sleep. however, you can't help but feel that someone is watching you in the shadows, waiting for you to drop your guard before they attack.

the tone was simple, yet suspenseful. the style of the writing was good and, also, was simple. although it needs more work on the writing and the mood.

it was good. hope you write some more.

This is Kaos here for a review!

So I actually liked the concept of the poem and the atmosphere you were trying to create, and that's what I want to focus on here. The first thing that I didn't like about the poem is the lines with onomatopoeia and nothing else to them like "whisper, whisper" because they didn't really do anything to add to the poem. Instead of just that, use a line with whispers or the clicking sound. Something that I think did do well is the line, "Soft mutters in the dark.", though I didn't really find a purpose for it to be in the poem other than to create that.

So you're trying to figure out sensory detail here it seems, and I think it's quite a good place to start off. In the dark is something that I think could stretch to many things but I mostly imagine just someone having nighttime paranoia and walking through their house at night. Create a scene or atmosphere or place that the speaker is in and describe through it. At the same time, your imagery and details should be describing, on the flip side, they should be tied to the theme in some sort of way.

For sensory detail, what does the dark feel like, are the speaker's arms searching as their eyes to guide them? How dark is it in the room? What does it taste like and what does it smell like? You may not be able to find what the dark tastes or smells like, but you can do that for things that are attached to the dark or are in the atmosphere that's being described. Don't just use that, though, another thing to take into consideration is figurative language and the usage of metaphors and similes, which I think would do well here.

And finally, the punctuation. Don't end every line after it starts like you're doing now. Use commas, semicolons (at the appropriate times), to help build lines onto each other. Another effect that this would have is when you do have shorter lines, with the correct wording, they would have added power to them.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hi here with a review. I really liked this short peace. The title was very grabbing and I like the structure of your short piece. I like that you've used onomatopoeia. It adds an effect to the piece when in the first sentence you didn't add "the" in. Overall, I really liked this piece and how you've ended it. Keep writing!

~Rosy234

Quick review! c:
Are you really only twelve? This was exceptional for someone your age, if you are. I really love the repeated structure patterns throughout this poem. It keeps the flow together nicely. The only part I think you could change a bit is where you say, "Soft mutters in the dark," and then say "In the dark," soon after. I feel like you could change the first one to something else, like "in the night." I get that "In the Dark" is the title, but I think repeating that phrase in the middle and the end is enough. I also think that "I shut light" doesn't really fit. In the rest of the poem, you don't use improper sentences, so I think you should put something like "Shut off the light" instead. I don't really see any grammatical mistakes, so that's good. Although, I think the "Shhh"es should be capitalized, as well as the "whisper." You don't have to, it would just be for the sake of consistency. I like the feeling this poem invokes. A sense of trepidation and waiting with bated breath.
In conclusion, I liked the poem as a whole, although there are a few things to iron out.

Thanks,
~Joelsweet
(Ps- By no means am I a professional poet.)