Hush
fellow friend.
Whom I will lead you through the darkest of nights;
Hush
Do not cry,
I am here again.
Hush
Dearest one,
I am here like your angel;
though you are not ready to climb those ragged steps to heaven.
Hush
Dearest friend
do not waste these precious seconds of time
Hush
Do you see the stars twinkling throughout the night?
Hush
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Your poem is very peaceful and melancholic. From my understanding, I think this poem is about a friend who either is dying or wants to, I'm probably completely wrong though. I love the way you used repetition of the word hush, very creative, very effective towards the overall feel of the poem. A few tweaks here and there. After the line 'I am here like your angel;' I think you should capitalize the T unless that's stylistic choice. On 'Dearest friend' there should be a comma after that. I really love the indention and overall look of the poem, very creative, it makes you focus on the word hush.
Good job!
This was very peaceful and calming. I really liked it. Not all poems need to ride and this one proved that. There was a distinct melody,a lyrical feel to it that will capture an audience,big or small. It was slightly hypnotic in a good way. Whom I will lead you through the darkest of nights, I like this line. The repitition of Hush,this is very nice and appropriate for this poem. I look forward to reading more of your works
Thanks for the wonderful review, RebelWriter!
Hello!
This was so beautiful. It had a calm but sweet tone to it, and it was to melody-y. I loved it.
The repetition was also a good idea, specifically in this poem. It just made it more solid.
Your imagery was awesome, as well. Although, I think it could have been expanded on a little.
I'll show you a few lines that could be improved.
First of all, I don't think you would use 'whom' here. (Notice I said THINK, I don't know. All I know is you use whom after a preposition , like of, to, etc. But I'm not sure in this case. I think you would just use 'who')
Second, darkest of nights. Hmm. A little more description would be nice. Show us the darkest of nights, don't just state this fact. (Show, not tell
This line bothers me somewhat. I think you could rephrase it like so:
I am here, your angel
Comma after friend.
What is she wasting her precious seconds of time on?
That's about it, I think. This poem was simply lovely. I loved it. Please, keep writing! You have great potential!
~ EternalRain
Thank you EternalRain!
To answer your questions, yes, she is wasting her precious time. Sorry if that's hard for you to understand. She id buried in sadness, but I am saying stop crying, and like.. you know, keep going. I need to work on that. ;D.
And yes, I need to add some more description. Thank you. I think whom is ok. I like how Shakespeare writes.
Thank you so much, I love your poems a lot.
Ah, I see. No problem, description and imagery is always the hardest for me to write about too.
And you're very welcome ^_^
Yes, I agree.
Hey there! Kate here to review! So to start with this came out really good! What drew me in was the title. When i was looking through and saw yours i was thinking wow this could be worth my time. I am so glad you decided to wright this! Though this piece is short i think if it would have been any longer it wouldn't have been as good because here you say the most important details to the poem and you express them so powerfully that it is a very beautiful piece. I do agree with the grammical suggestions by Meandbooks but really it's the writer(you) who decides in the end how they want it written. I hope you keep writing and sharing and taking advice from those willing to give it! Great job!
Yours,
Kate!
Kate,
I loved reading all these really nice and supporting words! Thank you so much, and I wrote this because I wanted to show people that someone is always here to help, no matter what. If you like this, you might want to read my other one called tears of Rainbows.
Thanks again! I can't wait to read your work!
Ooh, this is really pretty!
Overall, I really like it. There are a few things I want to get out of the way first, though:
This is somewhat archaic wording. I'd recommend changing it to "I will lead you through the darkest of nights." That fits more with the rest of your poem, and since it repeats the "you" it will form more of a connection between the narrator and whoever they are talking to.
*angel
Also, in both of these, I would lose the semicolons. They look odd, and while the first one technically correct ("Hush" is technically a complete sentence since it's a command.), the second one isn't ("though you are not ready to climb those ragged steps to heaven" is not a sentence. The "though" makes it so that grammatically speaking, you should have a comma.)
I don't normally critique people's grammar in poetry, since it's much more acceptable to bend the rules then in prose, but I still think you should replace these semicolons with commas, just so it doesn't feel odd. If you want to, you could probably keep the first, but the second one would be much better off with a comma.
Those are my main nitpicks. Overall, I don't really have that much to say. It was very pretty and flowed really well. It reads a lot like a lullaby. It is a bit vague - you could maybe add more sensory detail to show where the two people are at that moment. You don't have to, but I think some strong imagery there could make this poem even better.
Good luck and keep writing!
Thanks so much! I am new here, and I love reading other people's advice. Thank you very much!