Mmm.. I like this. A lot. It's so true.. You've been able to capture what I haven't: the real feelings behind teenagers without using cliches.
I keep reading this over and over because it's so perfect. I like the second stanza. While it goes onto a somewhat different subject, it also captures an idea I've toyed around with.
I don't know what to say about this. It's like I feel it more than I read it. The first stanza is a little choppy, but I like that style. So.. Great job once again, darlin.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Pretty much summarises life...I like how you observe things and convert them to words without sounding like every other person that has tried.
Kind of cliche, including the title. But I guess cliche is alright sometimes.
"before...before what? we run out of ideas?"
"and collapse with the first breakup
with the first makeup
but nobody ever gets hurt because"
These lines sort of frustrated me. The last one reminded me of something the valedictorian said at the Stn Mtn High School graduation. Heh.
As far as the rest of the poem goes, I liked it. And yes, your writing style is like still changing, I think. It's like you're going through...a...transition? I don't know. Anyway, a good poem besides those two phrases I pointed out.