Hummingbirds heartbeat wings

You must know that your link is user-specific and loads the google account of whoever clicks it, not your poem.

Try a piratepad/writerfeed pad. The former is piratepad.com, the latter is linked under the "me" tab on YWS top bar.

Hi Cosmo,

First, I like the description you used "fire-blooming, tears of flower dew, humming breezy blur." But, as the previous reviewer said, in order to be a sonnet, the lines must be converted into stanzas.

Next, in order for the stanzas to be a sonnet written in iambic pentameter, they must be 4 lines long, an each line must be 5 feet long, with the second syllable of each foot stressed (ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum ba dum). The first line you wrote did not seem to follow this structure. Once you reach "My wings are but a humming breezing blur" it seems fine, though. In making your poem iambic, it's important to choose words that the readers will naturally stress as opposed to something that you kind of make fit. For example, in the second line, you can say "flyING amidst," and it is technically iambic, but most readers will stress the first syllable of flying. The point of this kind of meter is to emphasize the important words in the poem. So, the main parts of verbs (flying), names, places, will usually land on the stressed syllable of each foot.

One example of changing one of lines to be iambic could be in the last line from "joy soars up above the forest" to just "joy soars above the forest..." with another word added with stress on that syllable.

As someone who has written a dozen or so sonnets, I understand the frustrations of making emotions fit into an objective structure. But, with practice comes perfection. Try to get the rhythm down, and it'll become really easy for you.

Hope this helps,

Nick

is it a poem? really?

hey!

i am Rishabh parmar.

this is the first question, which came into my mind after reading your stuff! it is a nice poem but not effective until you put it into the stanzaic form. i mean in the form of stanzas{stanzaic is my word, my invention so don't confuse your mind in thinking that "wat's this?"} however, coming back to topic your work lacks connectivity........my one and only suggestion to you edit this work and re-submit it. submit this beautifully crafted poem with stanzas.

stanzas are wings of a poetry! when you don't give stanzas to your poem . how it will fly in the mind of the reader.


so think about this!

no bournville for your stuff!

keep writing{ but in good form}.