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139,498 Literary Works • 672,589 Reviews
Hello there!
Review time:
Alright. I really liked this poem, not only is it great, but it is something that most teens can relate to. Wonderful poem idea! Now, there were some things that I noticed could have been changed...
The last line in your first stanza doesn't really sound right, I think it's just because of the words that you used. It's not that anything is grammatically incorrect, it just sounds a bit odd.
The only other thing I noticed was that when you wrote "Take this moment to breath" it should have said breathe instead of breath. I really like how you spaced out "In" and "Out" it kind of adds imagery.
I must say, you did a fantastic job. Keep it up!
Toodles.
Thanks so much! I have a Short Film Script I'll be posting soon and I've been told by the few that's seen it it's really something, I'll keep you updated! and I've made the corrections
apart from the "Unto my sane do brink", it's my favorite line and I think it sounds ok :3
Hey!
I read this in iambic meter and without and, yes, it sounds far better when read in iambic meter - I like it! I also really like the fact that this is about exam stress as it's something I (and many others) can relate to right now and you capture the feeling of stress and frustration pretty well. The beat of the iambic meter adds speed to the poem which fits with the theme of panic.
The third stanza didn't seem to fit with the iambic meter to me, though, which sort of broke the flow of the poem. Also, I believe 'fowl' should have been 'foul' but that's an easy mistake to make.
Overall, I like the poem! It's interested in it's style and you use some nice words. I like the beat and movement of the poem, and considering you were stressed whilst writing it, you did well!
Thanks! that was the intention of the poem, for it to be relatable, so good to know it worked!
And I've made the corrections.
Hey there
Fascinating as in it caught me and made me want to read it till the end and see how it goes on. I love the way you spaced out the "In" and "Out" and some other words , because they make the poem stand out and are also useful for the reader since they make us have the pauses you probably wanted. And the timing of this poem is great! I mean everybody have deadlines and assignments at this time of the year and it is very frustrating at times.
That was .. fascinating ? I'm trying to find the right word to describe your poem with
But try to reread your poem a couple more times to make sure you don't make small and stupid spelling mistakes with words that I'm sure you know how to spell.
Overall great job, hope you get at least some motivation to finish all the school work
Keep writing!
Thanks! I've actually finished exams now and have a 2 week holiday before the next term. Now its time to get motivated for the gym and BaGua!
and I've made the connections