OK so I'm not a great reviewer but i honestly felt like i was reading a story instead of a poem.
when i picture a poem i think of stanzas and comas and periods and rhyme scheme, i think that is standard format for a poem, but that's just me.
i did kinda of see the messiness in your poem, i couldn't tell what emotion belonged where.
i did enjoy it though.
like someone once told me. poets all have their own distinct style of writing and i suppose this is yours.
again loved it hope to see more stuff from you(:

First thing I thought was it was a little messy. Not that that's bad. Sometimes like MindBlown said less words can be better and let your readers use their imagination more. When you write try to keep everything to one side so it's a little easier to read and looks more uniform. I don't think that's really a problem though
BTW love your avatar
It didn't flow very much like traditional poems...maybe that's just cause I haven't read anything like this or something.... I don't know. It seemed more like a short story. I really liked it though and found it very interesting throughout

Keep it up
~Speakerskat

Great poem I really enjoyed reading it the only thing is that some of the lines are long and I would consider cutting out a few words. Overall it was a fantastic poem and I hope to see more from you