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Forest Friend

by CorruptedArrow


“You sure that we have everything?” Angie calls “Do we even have the First Aid Kit?”

“Nope, I will find it.” I dart back into the house and grab the First Aid Kit. Angie goes over the list one more time, thank the Lord above that we aren’t missing anything. I jump into the driver’s seat, Angie hopped into the passenger seat. We blasted the music through open truck windows. We cruised through town, traffic always sucks but you just have to blast the music to tune it out.

As we started getting towards the edge of town, the buildings were replaced with trees and bushes. We noticed the cleaner air almost immediately.

As I reach for the volume button, “Don’t you even dare turn it down.” Angie stares at me straight in the eye. I retract my hand and put it back on the wheel. The music goes from “Non-Stop” from Hamilton to “Sincerely Me” from Dear Evan Hansen. An hour passes, the campsite comes into view. I turn the truck off. I scramble out of the truck and start setting up the camp.

“Hey, Niki?” Angie asks.

“Yes?” I asked. She held her camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I nodded as she gave me a smile and started snapping pictures and jotting a few notes down. I started setting up camp, a few deer roam through nudging the supplies. I kept working, I don’t think I even had one bead of sweat run down my face. Angie made it back to camp, surprisingly.

“I think I got some really good photos!” She cheerfully chirped. “I even got a few of you working.”

I sighed “Well, if you are get my good side like come on!” I stated sarcastically. She rolled her eyes playfully. We both started laughing.

“Well all I need to do is get some firewood, and we can start supper.” I called as she looked through her photos. I started picking up firewood, and I feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Angie what do you need?” I asked without looking behind me.

“How do you even-” Angie started.

“You literally have the softest grip of anyone.” She grabbed a twig. I grabbed a few more branches, we walked back to camp without a word spoken to each other.

“Do you hear that? It’s the sound of nothing, well maybe mother nature but there’s no shouting classmates.” She silently squealed. I started making the fire, the cool air started to fall on our skin. The fire now ablaze we started cooking hotdogs and marshmallows. Yum! As we cook our delicious supper one of her marshmellos falls of her stick, Angie grabs another marshmello out of the bag.

“Holy frack this hurts!!” Ang screams. I run and grab some honey, she puts down the stick.

“Sit down for fricks sake.” She finally sits down and I start smudging the honey on the burn. Ang sighes as if she was holding her breath.

“See I told you we would need honey.” I calmly stated.

“ I will never doubt you again.”


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255 Reviews


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Mon Dec 10, 2018 1:25 am
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rosette wrote a review...



Hey there, CorruptedArrow! :D

I like the picture painted with this story: two friends going on a camp trip. I love camping, so reading about these girls driving off into the mountains and roasting hotdogs over a fire makes me a little jealous. However, something that bothered me as I was reading this story was who these girls are. I know the narrator is Niki, I know her friend is Angie, I know they're camping, but why? What made them want to pack up their bags? Who are these girls? What do they look like? I'm assuming they're still in high school, based off Angie's comment about classmates, but I think giving us more of a backstory on who they are would benefit the story and not cause confusion.

Just looking at this, though, Niki seems to be the sensible friend while Angie is a little crazier. The story ends with that in mind - Niki's "I told you", though I don't see any early instance where she told Angie they needed honey?? Angie actually seems pretty funny, like she has the potential to be a rather amusing character. It might be fun for you to explore that, go into her photography history, too. The point where she burned herself brought some excitement into the story (ugh, but marshmallows, though... I need some).

It might be beneficial to go into more detail with the setting, as well. What's the town look like that they're driving through? What does the forest smell like? What does the fire feel like? Is Angie's burn small or big? Description makes everything fun, and I think, if used correctly, it could really spice up your story!

Thanks for sharing this, CorruptedArrow, and I hope you have a good one. If you got any questions, do let me know. :D
cheers!

~rosette




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Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:54 pm
FireSpyGirl wrote a review...



Hi there!
This is a good story and interesting! I look forward to more! So when I review, I try not to be too harsh and I try not to sounds to critical. We all make mistakes! I try to put ideas forward as suggestions, instead of commands. So if it does sound like a command, I am sorry, I do not mean it like that.

So there is only one sentence that I noticed:

"I started setting up camp, a few deer roam through nudging the supplies."

Just a few minor things. I would put a comma between "through" and "nudging." That way the reader doesn't feel so rushed. I would change "roam" to "roamed." d

Another thing I noticed is that in some parts you make it sound like the narrator is telling this after the incident, and in other parts you make it sound like the narrator is telling the story as if it was happening right now.

I hope this helped some!





Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson