Tsuki~
I chewed on the bone in frustration. How badly I just wanted to eat everyone here, but I was too weak. That man, the guy who called himself my so called 'master' was a very powerful human, and no matter how much I imagined it, there was no way I could beat him. Not in my current state that is.
"Tsuki, its time for training." Leo walked in
Leo was, mhh how do I say this, an annoying little pest. Training is the only thing on his mind.
"I'm coming." I grumbled
" Today, we're going to see if you can return to your human form." Leo informed me, as he led me to the training arena.
The arena was quite big, with a sandy floor and walls covered in magic charms to protect the people outside, the walls were made of stone. So far we have been able to change my size and how many tails I can make visible, but becoming a human once again is proving to be quite difficult.
" Alright, let's start again from the top." Leo instructed
Leo had told me that to turn into a human, I must imagine myself as a human. I have come to realize that humans are certainly weird creatures. Closing my eyes, I try to fish out some memories that I had of me being human. There weren't many, since we could never afford a mirror. Nothing.
"Oh well. We can't rush the process." Leo sighed.
He walked out of the arena, leaving me alone. Since he began training me, he hasn't taught me how to use magic or fight. I had to teach myself.
I wonder where he goes after training. I thought. Then the idea struck.
Shrinking myself, I left the arena and followed Leo's scent. I followed it all the way to the 'master's' room. I squeezed my way in, I quickly moved behind the plant nearby. Leo and the 'master' were in the room already.
"Nothing, sir." Leo said
"My god, how long does it take?!" 'master' yelled
"Sir, he is still a child." Leo said hesitantly
"I don't care, I'll only end up killing him for his core anyways. Just make him into a SS grade already." 'Master' yelled
I stood there, frozen. I knew he had no good intentions, but to make me stronger, only to kill me? Now I understand human nature. Every human is just a greedy, lying, no good sack of skin, blood and bones. I had to stop myself from jumping out from behind the plant and attacking.
Now is the time to leave, before anything else happens.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello! I have not read the previous chapters but I wanted to help get this out of the Green Room so here I go!
Okay, the first sentence drew me in, but then I'm not sure where the bone went. Did he eat it?
'The arena was quite big, with a sandy floor and walls covered in magic charms to protect the people outside, the walls were made of stone.' - this sentence is a little clunky. It could do with some rearranging. Possibly something like, 'The arena was quite big, hemmed in by tall, stone walls covered in protection charms.'
'I wonder where he goes after training. I thought.' - considering it's first person POV you don't necessarily need to add 'I thought.' If you always use italics as thoughts, that's enough.
'I squeezed my way in, I quickly moved behind the plant nearby.' - another clunky part that could be smoothed out.
Constantly using quotations for 'Master' can become a little annoying. Once introducing that this is not the name and more of a title, I think you can just continue to refer to them as Master.
I can't really comment on the story itself, but I hope this helped
Hey, just here to drop a review.
It's a great and somewhat unexpected choice to have a POV chapter for Tsuki. It's good to know that the 'beast' introduced in the last chapter has a personality of its own and is quite intelligent. It seems our little friend (I guess?) wants to eat humans because he clearly has had bad experiences with them from the last paragraph.
You mentioned the fact that there are magic charms on the walls to protect the people outside. Does Tsuki give off an aura of sorts that is dangerous to humans? How come Leo isn't affected by it? Maybe it's mentioned in the previous chapters (I haven't read them since I've reviewed them).
I'm really looking forward to seeing Leo and Tsuki's relationship develop especially because Tsuki knows Leo isn't doing this because he wants to, but because master is telling him to. There's a really good dynamic set up there that can you can take in several interesting ways.
One thing I do with you expanded upon was when Tsuki was attempting to become human. Maybe add a paragraph describing what Tsuki visualizes when he attempts to turn into one. Does he fail completely or does he partially turn into one (maybe only an arm and leg form?). Think about what Tsuki would be seeing himself as. Does he have big hands or small hands? Tall or short? Skinny or muscular? It will also inform a lot about his character as a beast knowing how he sees himself as a human.
I'm interested to see the kind of training they go through so I think you should expand on that aspect in this chapter. It'll also bring it in line with the length of your previous chapters.
As always, thanks for the read and keep writing.
The Reaper sends his regards