Bloodstains paint the floor
Another person mourns.
Decadence plagues the air
Innocence lost by stares.
-
We aren't trying to overthrow the throne
We're just trying to be equal
Our movements are at halt
Because your motives are at fault.
Our ancestors served you for their whole life
And you never thought twice.
-
You discriminate by color
But in reality, we're all just numbers.
You are cold blooded murderers.
You are terrible saviors.
-
We aren't trying to overthrow the throne
We're just trying to pass the threshold.
Our movements are at halt
Because your motives are at fault.
Our ancestors served you for their whole life
And you never thought twice.
-
As much as we bleed
These wounds will mend.
March on; we can lead.
March on, straight ahead.
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140,456 Literary Works • 673,226 Reviews
Hey!
Good job with this poem! It is well-written and leaves me both satisfied and wanting to know more (though I suppose that is the trademark of a good poem). You've kept the rhythm throughout the piece, and I like the repetition of your second stanza. It ties the whole thing together in a nice way.
I would just be careful that you maintain your rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece (it is present everywhere except "We aren't trying to overthrow the throne/ We're just trying to pass the threshold.", and that may be on purpose but I would just watch out for it because it appears to be a mistake).
Overall, this is a great piece and a joy to read! Keep up the good work
~ Adele
Hey!
Good job with this poem! It is well-written and leaves me both satisfied and wanting to know more (though I suppose that is the trademark of a good poem). You've kept the rhythm throughout the piece, and I like the repetition of your second stanza. It ties the whole thing together in a nice way.
I would just be careful that you maintain your rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece (it is present everywhere except "We aren't trying to overthrow the throne/ We're just trying to pass the threshold.", and that may be on purpose but I would just watch out for it because it appears to be a mistake).
Overall, this is a great piece and a joy to read! Keep up the good work
~ Adele
Thanks, adelekm. Yeah, the rhyme scheming was a bit off. I tend to use metalcore songs as my inspiration, so just speeding the vocals for a line can just seem natural and fine with me. I guess I'll have to fix that in poetry at least
You know what? This poem is very well writing. I found that you kept your words and stanzas in rhyme. Believe it or not, but sometimes that can be difficult to do. Keep up the work. I have read some poems on other websites and honestly they weren't that great. The Young Writers Society seems to be getting all the good writers. I haven't really bumped into a bad writing.
Sorry, I think I'm just chatting a bit too much.
Anyway, great poem. Very good with your words. I'd like to see some more work from you. Happy writing.
-From A Fellow Writer 1998
Thanks, 1998! Good to know my first attempt at poetry worked.