Hey, Clairia! RavenLord here with a long-owed review! I hope you find what I have to say helpful.
So I've already told you (off-book) that I love love love this poem, and I do, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put my feelings aside and look at this with the clear, cold gaze of Miss Viola Swamp (if you've ever read that book, you know she's nasty). I'll start off with the nasty stuff so I can leave you with a positive note.
Alrighty, first and foremost: Word choice. Word choice is so, so important in poetry, dearie. You have some wonderfully charged words and phrases in here, but a lot of it feels a bit like stream of consciousness, like you've stacked as many adjectives as you could into one stanza. Perhaps pair them with the "face" you describe and flesh that face out a bit more instead of piling the words on top of each other where they can't do any good for the rest of the poem (sorry that was a bit harsh).
My second point is that you seem to lose yourself a bit as you go. There are some great lines, but the flow is a bit choppy and your meaning gets a bit muddled along the way, though it gains some steam after "cubs are exceptionally broken." Try to see if you can make that meaning a bit more apparent for those of us who haven't gotten inside your head.
Final, tiny point: "the face we fear the most" is a bit too blurry. Maybe make the m and o of "most" more clear so we can at least get an idea of what that last word is. It took me a couple tries to figure it out.
Now, on to the good stuff. Girl, you have real power in your writing. The visuals paired with the idea behind the poem are stunning, and I especially love the line "And yet, as I saw the braving of my generation destroyed, how I mourned the face." That's a beautiful, beautiful line and the background really turns it into a reflective pause in the rest of the poem. Wonderfully done.
Hope you found this helpful! Keep writing, gal!
Love,
Raven
P.S. You gotta tell me what editing medium you used to create this!
Points: 2094
Reviews: 112
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