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High Seas (Part One)

by ChristenedPages


Come hither readers,
and I will tell you a tale;
of bravery, mischief, and seekers
that begins with setting sail.

Now an introduction, before we start,
of a young boy called Finch.
Named for beady, black eyes- shifty, like his heart,
he had a thirst for riches he couldn't quench.

He had no parental being,
raised by trial and error.
The villagers, despite their lifelong overseeing,
all agreed he was a terror.

Though the tricks he played,
as I am told,
were wicked and disarrayed,
all he sought was love- and, perhaps, a bit of gold.

On a day when the heated touch of summer set in,
he acquired a boat.
The owner, possessing the strength of ten men,
was powerless when reading the hasty IOU Finch wrote.

So, with a meager crew of one,
Finch sailed away on the Moon Gem.
He sought another life, and so followed the path of the sun.
The ship also had company, unbeknownst to him.

Night had fallen,
and soon after Finch gorged on his rations,
he heard a shrill voice calling.
Violent scratching came from the cabins.

Finch struck a match,
abandoning his plans by the moonlight.
He opened the below-decks hatch.
What he saw snuffed his fright.

'Ha! A raccoon! Fitting companion for a thief!'
he thought, upon inspection of the creature.
He laughed, and offered it his dried beef.
The little bandit was missing an eye- its only misfeature.

In the waning light, Finch watched Gem,
who he had named after the ship.
Her form was wiry and slim-
she hopped on the ship's bow before perching on its tip.

A yawn erupted on his lips.
"It's getting late." he informed his comrade.
Gem sniffed his hand and answered with a few nips.
Finch settled himself under the stars and relived the day he'd had.

"I'll become twice the man they could ever make me." he convinced the sky, and himself.
Gem lay beside him- he buried his face in her fur.
In his head danced visions of wealth.
Finally, closing his eyes, he gave in to the sea's lure.


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274 Reviews


Points: 22619
Reviews: 274

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Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:36 pm
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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi there @ChristenedPages I am here to do a reveiw so first things first.
what I like
Finch sailed away on the Moon Gem. okay that is a stranch name for a ship I like it that ekslpans things a bit better form the other one.

What needs work
Come hither readers, okay so I have not herd a word that is hither so I do not no what that meens.
of bravery, mischief, and seekers that begins with setting sail. this is eksplaning the other one that I just read. but first give us an image of what the place looks like around the sail, and the place that there in whats it called.
he had a thirst for riches he couldn't quench. okay why why would he have a thest for riches in other words money was he pore, then again I do not no what quench means this is the first time I am reading it.
raised by trial and error. so was he raised by someone else our did he just have bad parents I am really confessed right now.
The villagers, despite their lifelong overseeing, okay do they stay out on the sea all the time like is that were they life on the ship.
was powerless when reading the hasty IOU Finch wrote. why dose Finch right this stove it is a bit of a weird tail I must say.
and soon after Finch gorged on his rations, I have not herd the word gorged before as well.
He laughed, and offered it his dried beef. I don't think raccoons eat beef there vegetarians.
"I'll become twice the man they could ever make me." he convinced the sky, and himself. what dose he mean by this, also we still do not no what poeple look like what did the raccoon look like.so that is all that I can say, so keep the good work. HAPPY REVIEW DAY.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill




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225 Reviews


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Sun Aug 26, 2018 2:17 pm
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dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Hey, Dogs here to review!

In this poem, your rhyming scheme was spot on! I haven't read many poems where the rhyme scheme was perfect with the flow of the poem.
Speaking of the flow, the story had a perfect one :D

I love the suspension in this poem where you are always wondering what happens. I'm excited to read part 2 because I think that will be amazing as well.

I didn't really notice any errors in this poem, because it was so well-written.

I can tell you took your time, and thought this through, because of how well-written it is!

I love poems, stories, etc. with suspense because they keep the reader hooked, and make the reader want to keep reading to find out what happens next.


Well anyway your poem was super good and very well-written and I can't wait to read part two, and hopefully I'll get to read more works by you in the future!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs




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Sun Aug 19, 2018 6:13 pm
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Arpanekka wrote a review...



Hey ChristenedPages, this is Arpan Ekka here to review this masterpiece of yours. Or actually praise your work.
The rhyming scheme killed it. Every stanza was perfect. The story had the perfect flow. You started with giving a brief introduction about the guy and then started telling about the tale of his sail. As per the title, this is the first part of the poem, so the suspense is maintained. What happened to him after he closed his eyes? No clue. And i guess that's how you keep your readers wait and crave for the release of the next part of the poem.
If you ask me, I'll be waiting for the next part.
To conclude, i would say that the poem is perfectly rhyming, the story has a fine flow and the suspense for next part of the poem is well created.
This was my interpretation of the poem
Thank you. Keep writing and keep flourishing.






Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it :). I will let you know when I publish Part Two!



Arpanekka says...


I'll be waiting for it. Part one was amazing, and i believe part two will be super amazing




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