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Achromatic- Prologue

by ChristenedPages


Achromatic

~Prologue~

A dark figure concealed in a cloak let himself into a shadowed room, closing the door behind him. A small lantern on a table in the center did little to illuminate the room. It did, however, reveal most of the face of a man sitting close by. He was not quite middle-aged, with a full beard and a weary expression on his face. A very quiet conversation followed the entrance of the cloaked man.

"Does anyone know you came to see me?," the man in the cloak did not sit down, though there was a chair across the table.

"No. I followed the instructions in the ad. Not sure I'd want my family knowing anyways- they're like most folk- don't trust magic."

The man in the cloak turned away then, and the light of the lantern caught his profile. A forlorn expression played on his features.

"They're justified in doing so," he said softly.

"What was that, sir?"

The cloaked man turned back to his guest, once again shrouded.

"Never mind. Have you thought that it might be dangerous, coming here?," he said.

"Mister, you know how it is these days. Dangerous going most anywhere. There's something unsettling folk, makin' 'em question the Queen's silence. Something brewing."

The cloaked man made a small noise of acknowledgement.

"Ne'er mind that, eh, I believe you promised information through your ad. Magical protection, if I may be so bold as to remind you."

The cloaked man stepped closer beside his seated guest, slipping a piece of parchment from the folds in his cloak. He showed it to the other man.

"This is the cause."

"That?," he stared, incredulous, "is this some sort of joke? That's a-"

He stopped speaking and let out a small gasp. A knife protruded from the bearded man's chest, and he looked at it in disbelief. His eyes followed the hand at the hilt and up to its owner.

The cloaked man pulled his dagger from the man's chest, causing his body to slide out of the chair. He wiped his blade clean, sheathed it, and slipped off his cloak. Stepping into the light, he laid the cloak over his victim.

The lantern's light now exposed the killer's rusty hair and cast shadows on his pale face, making his brown eyes look nearly black. He was young, too young to have killed a man.

"Last one," he whispered to himself, stepping over the body and closer to the lantern.

The rust-haired man started mumbling an incantation and the lantern blew out. The glow of the candlelight was replaced with an eerie red glow. A sudden wind rushed into the room, howling incessantly. As soon as it started, the chanting stopped. Darkness came in through every crack.

The red-haired man was swallowed by the darkness before it scattered. He stood there, only a silhouette in the absence of the red glow. After several seconds, he lit the lantern once more and left the room.

A small breeze stirred the room, and a corner of the cloak lifted. The corpse had been reduced to a skeleton.


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Fri Jul 13, 2018 4:45 pm
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neptune wrote a review...



Hello! I saw your comment on my review for your first chapter and realized there was a prologue, haha. I guess it would help clear things up a bit. So, here I am for another review!

"They're justified in doing so," he said softly.

This was very good foreshadowing!

The lantern's light now exposed the killer's rusty hair and cast shadows on his pale face, making his brown eyes look nearly black.

Ah, that makes more sense for the first chapter!

The rust-haired man started mumbling an incantation and the lantern blew out.

I notice you're using this man's hair color as an identification. If you're going to use this method, I think you should be more consistent. For example, in this sentence:

The red-haired man was swallowed by the darkness before it scattered/

You use the word "red-haired" which works, but isn't consistent. This goes for the first chapter -- you use the word "red" instead of "rusty". For the time that the reader does not know this man, I think it'd be appropriate to go by what you're doing, but pick either rusty or red.

Final thoughts:

This prologue has a lot more description than the first chapter! I enjoyed the use of it. I feel like the little amount of dialogue really pushed you to add more descriptions. I'm also really looking forward to this character. I want to know more about his identity and I hope I learn his name so I don't have to refer to him as "the rusty-haired killer" haha. I know he's a killer and all, but he could be going after Reida for a good reason? Maybe to warn her, help her, etc?

Obviously, there is lots of magic throughout this, and there is going to be as well. You probably know what you're doing, but just make sure you're defining their magic skills and boundaries. What can they do? What can't they do? Making magical powers limitless tends to be boring and vague, so I just wanted to give you a heads up on that (though I have faith in your writing abilities).

Also, what wasn't clarified, and what I'm kind of disappointed about, is the location in which this happened. This could have happened across the street from Reida, or it could be across the world, for all I know. Perhaps you can clarify this in later chapters between the man and Reida? Was the man following Reida/looking for her, and that's why he was close? Or did he use some sort of magic to get to her? There should be some interaction between Reida and him that explains this.

I liked this part! I'm left with many questions that I can't wait to be answered. The best element of this part would probably be the descriptions, which I'm looking forward to seeing more of!

Hopefully this review helped! Feel free to let me know when more chapters are up, I'd love to read and review them! Remember, if you have any questions please let me know! <3






Thank you, again. These first chapters I wrote a year ago and so it's very helpful to see where to go back and fix things. You asked all the right questions that I want my readers to ask. I have answers for all of them, which I will reveal in time. Feel free to tell me if I am dragging out my revealations too long, because I know that there is a fine line between suspense and confusing to the point that it isn't fun to read anymore. I'm looking foreword to your thoughts on my next chapters- will keep you posted! :3





Thank you, again. These first chapters I wrote a year ago and so it's very helpful to see where to go back and fix things. You asked all the right questions that I want my readers to ask. I have answers for all of them, which I will reveal in time. Feel free to tell me if I am dragging out my revealations too long, because I know that there is a fine line between suspense and confusing to the point that it isn't fun to read anymore. I'm looking foreword to your thoughts on my next chapters- will keep you posted! :3



neptune says...


Please do! I%u2019d love to read and review more of your chapters!




What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't be a bit childish sometimes?
— 4th Doctor