Hey Chris,
here for a quick review!
Spelling / Phrasing
So - some of the grammatical/spelling mistakes are a bit distracting to the read, so I'd definitely throw this in a spell-checker. "past" -> should be "passed" in the fourth line, and "chance" -> should be "chances" because it's plural in the second to last line. I also think it might make more sense to just say "death" rather than "the death" because you seem to be personifying it; either way -> try to be consistent on whether you say "the death" or just "death".
I thought overall though the structure of the piece made sense with the short little lines, and the poem felt a bit stilted, but it kind of communicated a serious deliberate mood - especially with the wide spaces and capital letters which made me pause at each line.
Theme
I interpreted the poem to be an exploration on the impact of death, specifically the narrator is trying to communicate that we shouldn't be so quick to forget death, because when it comes the "second chances" are gone, it's final. We need to always be aware of its presence around us. That's a pretty serious topic, and one that I think everyone can relate to, sadly especially during these difficult times.
Repetition
I felt like some of your repetition in the lines didn't seem especially useful, because it wasn't saying anything new, this made the poem feel a bit circular and redundant. Like the line "we forget" and "death comes by" was said in different ways again and again and again in the poem. Repetition can be a useful tool to highlight certain words, or themes, but each use of repetition should bring something new too. I would maybe see if you can use synonyms rather than just using the same phrasing.
Room for Improvement
Some areas you could improve on I think, would be digging deeper into the personification of death; how does death move? (give us imagery) what actions does death take? (inspire empathy in the reader) - answering some of these questions would paint a larger picture for readers to engage with your themes.
Keep on writing! Let me know if you had any questions about my review!
- alliyah
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Reviews: 1227
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