Love IS a game

by ChibiGiraffe

Published October 19, 2011

In Poems

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I’ve come to get you.
Come on, I know you can’t resist me.
I’ve got one hand on your heart
And the other on your soul.

You are mine.
There’s no way to escape.
Just stop struggling already,
You should know it’s a lost cause.

I’ve lured you in with my
Pretty face, perfect body, and soft voice.
It’s all a big disguise.

I’ve got you in a trance,
So now it’s time for the show.
I take your fragile heart and hack it to pieces,
Laughing at the twisted beauty
Of unrequited love.

You’re screaming, pleading for me to stop
But I’m enjoying this far too much.
Your screams are music to my ears.

Who says you can’t play with people’s hearts?
Who says that love isn’t a game?
Checkmate, baby.
You’ve lost.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Kittengirl2
Review
Kittengirl2 wrote a review Review · Oct 20, 2011

Whoa, that was awesome. I agree that was both brilliant and disturbing...

ChibiGiraffe wrote:I’ve come to get you.
Come on, I know you can’t resist me.
I’ve got one hand on your heart
And the other on your soul.

Well that is truly creepy and disturbing. I think you could word the first line more strongly, but other than that it's pretty awesome.
ChibiGiraffe wrote:You are mine.
There’s no way to escape.
Just stop struggling already, this could be worded differently
You should know it’s a lost cause.

I’ve lured you in with my
Pretty face, perfect body, and soft voice. I don't really like this line, mostly because it implies that these people are really shallow and only like people for their looks
It’s all a big disguise.

I think you should switch these stanzas so you don't get redundant.
ChibiGiraffe wrote:I’ve got you in a trance,
So now it’s time for the show. Here could be worded better too
I take your fragile heart and hack it to pieces,
Laughing at the twisted beauty
Of unrequited love.

Wow. That is incredibly mean. I hope you're not speaking from any kind of personal experience?
ChibiGiraffe wrote:You’re screaming, pleading for me to stop
But I’m enjoying this far too much.
Your screams are music to my ears.

This stanza seems a little bit... childish compared to the rest of the poem. It doesn't quite fit.
ChibiGiraffe wrote:Who says you can’t play with people’s hearts?
Who says that love isn’t a game?
Checkmate, baby.
You’ve lost.

Looooooooooooooove the ending. :)

User avatar
youngwolf1105
Review
youngwolf1105 wrote a review Review · Oct 19, 2011

That was slightly disturbing, but really awsome! It needs a little revising, but other than that, it was perfect. The stanza were you describe their beauty that draws you in, you could probably back that up a stanza and get away with it. That is all!!! Young is out!

User avatar
xhellysmx
Comment
xhellysmx commented Comment · Oct 19, 2011

I loved it. You have brilliant ideas and words and I loved the ending of your poem as well. <3



"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites