I’ve come to get you.
Come on, I know you can’t resist me.
I’ve got one hand on your heart
And the other on your soul.
You are mine.
There’s no way to escape.
Just stop struggling already,
You should know it’s a lost cause.
I’ve lured you in with my
Pretty face, perfect body, and soft voice.
It’s all a big disguise.
I’ve got you in a trance,
So now it’s time for the show.
I take your fragile heart and hack it to pieces,
Laughing at the twisted beauty
Of unrequited love.
You’re screaming, pleading for me to stop
But I’m enjoying this far too much.
Your screams are music to my ears.
Who says you can’t play with people’s hearts?
Who says that love isn’t a game?
Checkmate, baby.
You’ve lost.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,310 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
Whoa, that was awesome. I agree that was both brilliant and disturbing...
Well that is truly creepy and disturbing. I think you could word the first line more strongly, but other than that it's pretty awesome.
I think you should switch these stanzas so you don't get redundant.
Wow. That is incredibly mean. I hope you're not speaking from any kind of personal experience?
This stanza seems a little bit... childish compared to the rest of the poem. It doesn't quite fit.
Looooooooooooooove the ending.
That was slightly disturbing, but really awsome! It needs a little revising, but other than that, it was perfect. The stanza were you describe their beauty that draws you in, you could probably back that up a stanza and get away with it. That is all!!! Young is out!
I loved it. You have brilliant ideas and words and I loved the ending of your poem as well. <3