Jump

I was reading this because I saw it in the recently reviewed list and I thought it would sound great. Turns out, it did. Like some of the other people said I liked the way you wrote everything, especiall the stanzas. I also agree with how some of the people rewrote the stanzas, but I would still rewrite theirs(that's just me though). Also I don't see many grammat mistakes, but then again I've never been good with that. I also got to say that the last stanza is my favorite.

I look over the edge
of the cliff add comma here
searching

for a reason to live.
Something inside
of me is curious add comma here
what does death feels like?
How

would it feel if I
fell
into the
dark, churning
water below me?

Would it be better than
living with the
guilt of all my
mistakes? convey your guilt in a more poetic way

The world would be glad to be rid of
me, another
murderer on this ruined Earth. You can see I tweeked the lines a little.

I am a monster.
and nowdeleted comma in this
moment of sanity
I must
jump and
atone for my mistakes. atone is a good word, very nice

Good luck, and keep writing~
-KatTrain

Excelent. It was great. I got the plot quite quickly and you can feel emotion inside. You have great potential to become a great writer

Keep writing- good luck
JJxVoodo

Hi there ChibiGiraffe. Lavvi in to review.

So, you really need to work on punctuation. Everything just seems to be floating in space without it. Punctuation really helps with the fluidity/flow of the poem and makes for a better comprehension for the audience. For example:

I look over the edge
of the cliff,
searching.

The overall mood and meaning of this poem is really good, however I don't agree with how you broke it up. I found it was a harder to read than most poems because of how you typed it. But other than that I have no complaints.

As the first two reviewers have pointed out, the last stanza was brilliant. I also liked how the story was built up, revealing that the narrator was a murderer at the end. At first I thought it was just some depressed teenager who's sick of life. But that wasn't the case.
I do think that the structuring of the poem is a bit strange. But that could be just me, as I like everything in even chunks and stanzas. But other than that, well done on the poem!

I really liked this. The enjambment was effective and it was really emotive. I loved the last stanza. It's really interesting however it's not consistent with the amount of lines per stanza, as the first stanza is three lines, the next five and the last one is six lines whilst the rest is four. It kind of throws off the balance and rythm and interrupts the flow. But I did like it

I like this. The overall idea is good, and I especially like the last stanza. If you intended the end to be irony, good job. If you didn't, I find it ironic and I like it. A lot.

I don't really like how you've broken it up, and in places it disrupts the flow a lot. So I am going to rewrite it the way I think it should be. Feel free to take my suggestions or ignore them. In red is anything I changed other than the lines.

I look over the edge
of the cliff
searching

for a reason to live.
Something inside
of me is curious
what death feels like.

How would it feel
if I fell
into the dark, churning
water below me?

Would it be better
than living with the guilt
of all my mistakes?

The world would be glad
to get rid of me,
another murderer on this
ruined Earth.

I am a monster.
And now, in this
moment of sanity
I must jump
and atone for my mistakes.

Overall, great job. Keep writing!

~KG