Another random burst of inspiration...
I’m like a hurricane.
Raging through the valleys,
Wreaking havoc and destruction
On anything that crosses my path.
I’m like a bolt of lightning.
Anger flashes without warning.
I fry feelings with my electric heat.
As quickly as the burns were inflicted,
The fury vanishes
And all I hear are screams of pain.
I’m like a 100 mile per hour wind.
I throw stuff around.
I destroy friendships,
Snuff out sparks of hope.
I’m like a raincloud.
Depression strikes and
I can’t stop the precipitation
Flowing from my eyes.
I have an eye like a hurricane-
Where the wind calms,
The rain stops,
The lightning vanishes.
The sun shines,
The sky is clear,
Flowers bloom.
It seems like the storm is over.
But it really isn’t.
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Great use of similes!! I love your poems!
I really like the ending, but the poem could be improved some. As has been said the imagery could be spiced up.
Your poem really caught my attention, especially the conclusion. It felt even though it was an emotional piece it came out dry. I agree with Gracie not to use the contraction "I'm." I really enjoyed this poem it drew me in as I have already said but I still just want to say it again. It was captivating. Thank you!
Hi there.
This is ok, but you could improve a bit.
Firstly, it feels like this has been made by formula. It is quite repeated with all the weather related similes, "I am like a hurricane; I am like a raincloud etc..." I think you could try and break out of this, and use some different techniques to get your ideas across.
However I like the ending, you rounded it off really well. The single sentence at the end is really punchy. So keep working at this.