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140,734 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hiya! Space here for a review!
I must agree with the last reviewer, this poem gives off a very calming vibe, probably because the use of words like "balmy lips", "I whisper softly", "a moment trapped in time" and "moony nights".
I love when people use describing words like "balmy", and the way you used it and other words molded the perfect scene, using perfect energy.
I also liked the line(s)
"you shudder through me in waves,
tumbling down my lips like rocks."
It was very metaphorical, especially with the added "the earth is shifting around us."
The imagery, vocabulary and metaphors/similes mixed with the font and the way it is written on the page, it's amazing!
Great job!
-Space The Snickerdoodle
thank you c:
no prob bob c:
Thanks for sharing this poem. I enjoyed reading it for the thoughtful peaceful mood it conveys. Also the way it appears on the page is very appealing as is its brevity. Some of the concepts I found kind of hard to understand. How are we a little more daring than real life? What is real life? Why isn't the experience included in that category. Isn't all reality made up of merely moments in time? How is the speaker composed of chaos? In what exact way is the Earth shifting? All these questions didn't the diminish the pleasure of the read of course. Some poetry is like that-it is open to interpretation.
Hey marms! I've read several of your poems and I'm a huge fan, so I thought I'd stop in for a quick review. Let's hope my input helps to improve your work!
I thought this whole concept was cute. 'Heartquakes' simply made me want to click on it. And this definitely wasn't a disappointment! Your ideas were quite vivid, and the imagery was abundant. I read through a couple of times -- first for the enjoyment and several times after for analytical purposes. One thing that caught my eye was this line:
This was very sharp and put a shock through me, the way I think you intended to. Except, this is the one particular spot you didn't dive into. I didn't get a good sense of what this chaos was. After the speaker says that, the writing goes on to another section altogether. I think you could elaborate on this chaos. I'm not convinced that the speaker is chaos until I see proof, if that makes sense.
Speaking of elaborating, and this is just a minor suggestion that I'm still not sure about, it might be interesting to see an opposing point of view, of the other person involved with this. It perhaps would be an interesting change in your poetry style. I see a lot of 'you's and as I was reading that idea struck me. Or, a more subtle change than that, you could describe 'you' more, in addition to the powerful lines you have.
This is quite easily my favorite line of the entire poem. The imagery is so alive here and it'd be amazing if there were more to it, like I said before. It doesn't need to be specific, just descriptions here and there, especially towards the middle area, where it is a little duller than the rest of the poem.
Anyway, let's talk about that -- the middle, right after the speaker mentions 'moony nights'. This was the stanza that struck me as the weakest. It was an interesting thought put into words but could definitely have a stronger message.
I'm sensing a strong connection of love or a relationship between two people here. I mean, I suppose that's why this is called 'heartquakes'. But when I read the title I was expecting some love or heart related theme. I got a lot of earth and rock parts, but not 'heartquakes' exactly. Maybe your theme is a little more subtle than I was anticipating. I just think that 'earthquake' message is outplaying the love/heart message.
I think the beginning is actually farther away from the topic than the ending area. It only slowly delved into your whole cute 'heartquake' topic towards the middle, and I noticed it must have taken the whole beginning to get to it. I think I just got a mixed theme throughout the poem, really.
The way you seem to be defining 'heartquake' is interesting. Out of curiosity, I searched up the meaning (though having an idea) and got something along the lines of 'trembling or shaking of the heart'. This didn't appear in the poem however I don't know if that was what you were going for or not.
That being said, I loved the ending. The 'drop the mic' kind of feel, almost. I just loved 'the earth is shifting around us'. I think that was the one line that really tied both ideas together, making heartquakes. It couldn't have ended better. This poem also made me feel lots of emotions, perhaps not the same as the speaker but the powerful message pulled many feelings out of me.
Thank you for sharing this poem! I enjoyed it. Hopefully this review helped -- if you have any questions please let me know.
I didn't even know heartquake was an actual word, haha. Thank you for your review! I wanted to write a delicate love poem.
Sure thing! Thank you. (And I don't think it was a real word, just one in a minor dictionary website, haha).
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, to start off this review the first thing that I noticed is that, well, nothing! No grammar mistakes, obvioulsy no spelling mistakes, and it flowed very, very well! The format did seem a little odd now that i think about it but besides that I loved the poem and I think that my favorite line would have to be "between balmy lips and moony lights". I love this line, especially the moon part of it! It holds a sense of charm.
The meaning of the poem, lets see if I can get it right! So, in this poem, you are talking about, well, writing about to us, the readers, about a relationships that is really a fling, of sorts. Its not going to last long, but its fun while it is lasting. You tell the person that you are only something dangerous, a snake wearing a rabbit costume.
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day and MLK day! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
There's a mysterious feeling in a rhyme. I did reread this poem several times to experience it once more. Frankly I have a strong feelings against small poems I think they are trivial. Because I love character creation and involving a reader with emotional journey one can only get either by reading or by living a life worth living. But this small and chaotically structured poem with a beautiful explanation of nature of life, ironically, created a relaxed and euphoric state in my mind. I agree with all you have to say in heartquakes. We are only a moment in time, for life we are so small that it's almost depressing, although it's not.Because we are part of something bigger than us. and that's nothing, if not relaxing. In the end of a poem you put a little romantic scene and I like it. I'd like to see more of this. Please, continue writing this poem I'd like too read more.
'
Let there be Love and Piece.