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Young Writers Society


12+

The Infected Chapter 1.2 - Saving Matt

by CaptainPanda13


"Well then, what are we gonna do?" asked Osazoid curiously. "Just sit around and do nothing well your friend is most likely being turned into some mutant!" said The Computer sarcastically. "Oh fine then" said Matt's clone clearly not bothered. Matt's clone and Osazoid sprinted out of the door, in an attempt you find there friend they shouted out towards the shadows of the forest. "Matt, Matt, where are you?" shouted Matt. "I am right here..." replied the clone. "Not you, you know what from now I let's call you The Clone or something like that, ok?" 

"Oh fine then" replied The Clone clearly annoyed by his new nickname. "Come on, we are running out of time, he has probably been gobbled up by that thing by now!" said Osa worryingly.

They had to stop, they had ran out of breath. "We are not gonna make it" said Osazoid breathing heavily. "Help" shouted a voice from the shadows. "Quick, Matt must be near!" shouted Osazoid in hope.

 Matt crawled back into a tree, at this point in time there was definitely no escape from this Monster. The creature approached Matt with a blood-thirsty grin on his face, Matt had no escape. Matt closed his eyes and turned away awaiting his death, he just wanted to get it over with quickly, Matt heard a short screech. He opened his eyes and turned back to find the creature open-mouthed and paralyzed for some strange reason. The creature kneeled to the floor, the venom from his fangs dripping onto his arm, With every drop, his skin melted away. "Ouch" shouted Matt, quickly jumping up and shaking his arm violently. Matt was covered with scratches, cuts and bruises on all parts of his body.

"So then, wanna go home?" asked Matt awkwardly.

 "Well, obviously" replied the others

They all slowly clumped towards the ship helping Matt along the way, "Well, what a busy day" said Matt trying to start off a conversation. "Well yeah, you were almost killed by aliens and we had to save you because you have no idea how to protect yourself" replied Osazoid. Matt stared blankly before turning away and staying silent. They finally arrived at the ship, as soon as Matt got in he directly went to bed. Meanwhile, the others got the ship ready and drove off trying to stay as quiet as possible so they do not disturb Matt.

A soon while after the others finally started to get rest after such a busy day...

Osazoid woke up, everything was dark and silent. A howl was heard beneath the moonlight, something pounded on the door. He quietly grabbed his laser gun and loaded it up, he tiptoed towards the door. The pounding carried on, He decided to put an end to this madness. The door broke down, nobody outside. Matt kneeled down his laser gun charged. The creature walked in. Matt shot the laser...

The creature dropped dead to the ground, another howl was heard...

 "We have to go!" shouted Osazoid before swiftly sprinting off grabbing Matt and his clones hand with him...

All three of them sprinted off, Matt screaming as he sprinted away.

"Quick Matt, Jump!" shouted Osa.

Matt was tripped over by a dark shadow, it crawled into the moonlight to reveal a clone of the original alien, Matt screamed. Just when he was getting ready to fight, all of a sudden the alien dropped. "Matt, next time listen to my information," said Osazoid carrying a massive laser launcher. "You have it, you need to protect yourself because you can't listen to simple instructions!"

"Calm down!" said Matt's clone. "Remember that we are trying to escape, not argue!"

"Well too late," said Ozasoid looking around them. At this point they were surrounded, no escape what so ever. "Wait, stop!" shouted a figure in the background, the shadow butted his way through the creatures to reveal his identity. "Hello young gentleman, as you can see I am one of these things. But don't let that put you off, I am the president or king of our home planet and would like to study some key features of Humans"

"Are you the only person who can speak English on that planet then?" asked Matt

"No, it's just a translator, you carbon-based life turned our planet into a zoo and gave us all these really uncomfortable translators."

"Wait a second, have you been bitten by anything in this forest, you look unwell. All of you" asked the unknown alien.

"I have been bitten by one of you, so if all of us are ill blame me I suppose" answered Matt.

"Oh no, this is bad. You should come to our home planet immediately, we need to cure this disease for you.

"What is it?" asked Matt

"Trust me, you don't wanna know. Anyway everybody get back in the ship. Matt, Osazoid and you, come and follow me into the ship so we can cure the horrible disease that you have"

I wonder what he has..? (let's hope it isn't that bad)

Find out in Chapter 2 of "The Infected"

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1085 Reviews

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Sun Oct 29, 2017 8:30 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm back for the next review.

I'd be curious to know why you decided to not use that last chapter, because if I'm honest I thought it made more sense than this chapter. I mentioned in the last chapter that you tend to rush things and that makes it hard to follow, but in this chapter, it felt even more rushed. So I'll just say it again - let the story take time to breathe. This is a fast-paced part, but right now this feels more like the bare bones of a story rather than a full story.

Matt's clone and Osazoid sprinted out of the door, in an attempt you find there friend they shouted out towards the shadows of the forest. "Matt, Matt, where are you?" shouted Matt.

Okay, this really confused me. I thought Matt was gone, and why is he calling out his own name? That paragraph as a whole just didn't make any sense to me.

Also, I must have missed the part about Matt having a clone. That's actually really interesting and now I'm wondering how that happened and why. I also liked the awkwardness after the creature was paralyzed - it made me laugh because yeah, Matt had just been doing something stupid, and it seemed like a genuine reaction to everything that had just happened.

I'm not sure why you decided to have them go back home and then be attacked again - I found it slightly confusing because it goes from them walking home, to Osazoid waking up and shooting the creature in a single paragraph. Again, take time - until he shot the creature I as a reader didn't even know that was what was attacking them. And then they were on the run again and it all felt very abrupt and sudden.

But like I said last time, I'm still interested in this alien who wants Matt to come on the ship! I feel like something's going to go wrong, though, and the infection is going to escape somehow. Maybe it already has?

And I think I'll leave it at that. I'll be back soon for the next part!




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Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:19 am
Brigadier wrote a review...



The thing that's bothering me most, is all of your wording issues and things that could have been easily caught, if you had done some better proofreading.

"Well then, what are we gonna do?" asked Osazoid curiously. "Just sit around and do nothing well your friend is most likely being turned into some mutant!" said The Computer sarcastically.

Besides the fact that your dialogue needs to be properly formatted, shifting down a line each time a different speaker talks during a conversation, you've got a large amount of typos. Normally I would not devote such a prominent position to talking about this subject matter but since it's making it hard for me to get through these pieces, I'm putting it up in neon lights. Before you even begin to focus on fixing the plot, you've got to work on the word choice around it and also consider your presentation points.

The plot is still running ramped and I was hoping that you would've figured out to control the pacing, because the jumping around makes it really painful to read this work. I am sort of half interested by everything that is going on here, which is why it's really painful for me to read through all of that.
This chapter was split into two parts, probably for the reason of avoiding confusion with all of these new plot points introduced. I think it would really be wise to split it up further and then focus on explaining things deeper. You need to build on these bits and pieces more if you wish to keep the attention span of the audience.

There is just enough questioning and suspense at the end to draw me back for the next chapter, but just barely. You need to make sure to have s strong hold on the reader as they're headed out towards something else, but you want them to make it back to your chapter.





People say I love you all the time - when they say, ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it - you just have to listen for it, my dear.
— John Patrick, The Curious Savage