David Francis Johann was terrified of water. That was the first most important thing about him. The second most important thing about David Francis Johann was that he had always dreamed of becoming a hero. After that there were plenty of other things about him, such as his love of strawberries, his dislike of people his age, his fear of death, his fascination with the outdoors, his determination to get what he wanted, and his tendency to go on picnics every Saturday. All this mashed together to form the blue eyed, blonde haired boy who sat on a patch of grass staring at Strawberry Lake on that fateful Saturday morning.
A basket of freshly picked strawberries was now sitting by David´s feet. His shoes were flung off to the side, and he was letting the sun warm his pale skin. Normally, David would be devouring the berries that had already caused his fingers to turn a deep shade of pink, but on this day his gaze was glued to Strawberry Lake. Somewhere in the distance his parents walking along the park, enjoying the morning and each other. David didn't waste much thought on them, for Saturday was his day, and he was going to enjoy it. He reached for a strawberry and lifted it to his mouth, but the whole time he was transfixed by the shimmering lake.
Not many people were lounging about or swimming that day, but one young boy was splashing near the shore. It was this boy who held David´s gaze. Laughing and jumping, the boy seemed oblivious of the fears that came with water. To the boy, the water was a playground and a best friend; to David it was a starving monster waiting for prey. David frowned and dropped the strawberry, getting ready to tell the boy not to wander so far into the lake; it got deeper.
Quite suddenly, the boy was gone. David had seen him running further from the shore with a great shout of enjoyment. Then he was gone. Just like that; swallowed by the water. David was now on his feet, staring at the spot where seconds ago there had been a child. He glanced around, expecting to see worried adults come from some direction or other to help. Instead, no one came. What could have been seconds or hours passed before David started running. His heart beat frantically, and his blood swooshed around his veins like the waves he hated so much. Before long he was closer to Strawberry Lake than he ever had before, but he couldn't stop running. Even with his first most important thing flashing repeatedly before his eyes, he tried to focus on the second most important thing. The boy needed a hero, and only David could be that hero.
Soon, David was standing at the edge of the lake. He was biting his lip so hard that little drops of red stained his lips, and his breath was that of a dying animal. His eyes were wide and terrified and the little waves that touched his feet made him cringe as though he were being burned. In a moment of intense bravery David charged forward, making his way to the exact location of the boy's disappearance. He flung his head under the monster and opened his eyes against the stinging. The flailing body could barely be made out against the water, but David reached a hand and grasped the child's arm.
A short struggle followed, but David was able to stand on his toes to reach the surface and throw himself backwards until he was able to run the last few steps to shore with the boy dragging behind. They both collapsed in a fit of coughing and crying and gasping. At last other people began to arrive, but David could not hear their worry or congratulations. Slowly they led the other boy away; he was shaken but alive and unharmed. A voice managed to get through David's blurred mind, assuring him that he had saved the younger boy, who was safely with his mother.
David closed his eyes against the people and the voices and let two thoughts overcome all else. One: the most important thing about David Francis Johann, he was a hero. Two: the second most important thing about David Francis Johann, he was terrified of water.
I thought it was a great story. The suspenseful build was realistic. It wasn’t too intense but heightened enough to concern me about what would happened next, which I thought fit the style of the story. I got a clear overview of everything; David, lounging on the grass eating strawberries—even the bright, plumpness of the berries in the basket—David's facial expressions, his movements, the color of the water, the environment, absolutely everything! Great, great job!
Points: 796
Reviews: 14
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