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From the Inside- Chapter 5

by Cailey

Chapter 5

Then it happened. That day when Eliana rushed in through the glass doors with tears streaming down her face. As she struggled with the gate he entered, anger clear in his careless eyes. The door was open before she could move, and she was pushed into the confines of my walls with no escape. Her scream resonated throughout the building pitifully in those last moments before the gate was closed. I saw the old man grab the phone and begin punching in numbers.

But it was too late. She was already trapped inside of me, with no escape or chance of security. His rough finger pushed the top floor, and I began my ascent, hating myself every moment of the way.

He cornered her; kissing away every scream she tried utter. His hands held her brown hair, pulling it and ensuring more attempts to scream. Eliana fought, she bit his polluted lips and yanked her knee up between his legs. Angrily, he let out a snarl that sounded more like a beast than a human. His arms rose and smashed into Eliana’s face. I could feel her head snap back into the wood and hear the snap of her nose. Blood gushed down her face, her clothes, her hair. Another punch sent her to the floor and she lay there gasping for breath.

We reached the fourth floor. Maybe, maybe I would make it to the top. The doors would be opened and Eliana’s father would redeem himself, come to her rescue. I desperately tried to accelerate my journey, hoping to save my angel, my Eliana.

On the floor she lay, now still from a third blow. Above her, he rose to his full height; so much taller than Eliana, so much stronger. He laughed, a hideous sound of malice. Then his foot dug into her side. Even I could feel the cracking of her ribs as it radiated through the wood. Again and again he kicked her. We reached the last floor and I jolted to a stop. Eliana had always loved the way her stomach did loops each time she rode in my.

Now, the only thing she could do was let out a tiny moan. One moan before he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a gun. One moan before that clap of thunder ended it all and I was left an elevator, alone and unused in a building that has not been entered for years. I sit quietly in the lobby, watching the apartments continue on in their state of decay, waiting for a fire to consume me, hoping a bulldozer will come and end my life along with the memories I carry.

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Points: 970
Reviews: 3

Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:25 am
littleblackdog wrote a review...

Wow. This is stellar. Usually I get distracted two paragraphs in to a story I'm reading, but this was riviting. It's very origional and I love the way the elevator is such a subtle, gentle character. The story was heartbreaking and the last paragraph was beautiful. I cannot find anything wrong with this at all. Amazing!

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84 Reviews

Points: 1148
Reviews: 84

Sat Oct 01, 2011 2:36 am
briggsy1996 wrote a review...

Hi again!
Is this the end? It seems like it to me, and if it is, I must say that it is a very powerful way to end things.
wow. I love this story so much I can barely describe it! It has got to be the most brilliantly written story I have read on this websight and I am not exaggerating!
I apologize, I do not usually rant like this.
Anyway, I love the whole story, but what I loved the most was:
-It was from the perspective of an elevator, which is both original and amusing to read.
-The elevator became so attached to Eliana and I just thought that it was so cute and yet so sad how he could never help her when she needed it because -after all- he is an elevator.
-I like how you divided the story up into chapters- it's so much easier to read a story when it's divided into smaller chunks.

As for the ending, I appreciate it and how you've written it, but it's just so sad! D:

I sit quietly in the lobby, watching the apartments continue on in their state of decay, waiting for a fire to consume me, hoping a bulldozer will come and end my life along with the memories I carry.

-Although it is very sad, as I have expressed above, I love how you've put this into words. Not all stories have a happy ending and sometimes that can leave it unmemorable or upsetting to the reader but this was effective and excellent.
Spelling and grammar is in check too! :)
Anyway, thanks for an amazing story!
Happy Writing :)

Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour