Waiting, I still wonder
How can I be smiling
Just by thinking of you.
Images of your presence
Bloom in my room and my cup of tea
Getting my senseless senses
Drunk with you.
How is it possible
That imagined flowers
Smell better than their real brothers?
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hi there, Buranko
Lehmanf here with a short review. I hope it finds you well.
First Impressions
I like this poem as a whole but just seem to feel the last stanza is a whole different world, maybe a different poem rather.
Interpration
This feeling of outstanding love is coursing through this narrator's veins. Waiting I find quite key. Waiting for the person they love? Maybe soaked on the porch, wet hair dripping in sly strands as it continues to rain. The image of the person they love comforting them when thunder and lightning flash somewhere in the night.
Drunk with their presence and still waiting. Gone inside. Having waited so long just to wait longer with a cup of brewed chai sweet against their lips as they sit on their soft bed in their lovely room. But just waiting for their love to come and take them away.
Like I said this seems to feel like a whole other poem. But maybe smelling flowers so as not to forget the beautiful scent of love in the air as they would talk. Smelling as they wait to talk. As they always continue to wait.
Overall
This was a really nice poem. This mix for me at least of love drawn to a sharp edge and taken away though she always clings on was a very emotion-filled one.
Have a fantastic day
Lehmanf
Hey Buranko! Incoming review!
OoooOOo starting off with a strong question. It's so fascinating how we as humans can be so happy just thinking about another person. It can be from a platonic relationship or as in this case a more romantic relationship. It's a great start to a poem and drew me in.Ah yes, question poetry, always leaves me pondering. Anyway, onto the review!
I'll go stanza by stanza.
The lines "Images of your presence/ Bloom in my room" is beautiful imagery. It's here where I'll say the punctuation and capitalization style takes away from the flow of the poem. With each new line being capitalized the flow of the poem gets thrown off. I was going to comment on the "and a cup of tea/ Getting my senseless sense" being off but I had to read it a few times due to the auto-capitalization of each line. You could have each line that is a part of a sentence to another line be lowercase to make things more readable.
OooOoo okay this is a very powerful ending as well. I've experienced this feeling way too much in my lifetime. You imagine how this person is, and you're interested in them. So time goes on without talking to them so you make up a whole personality for them. And then you spend time with the actual person, and they are nothing like you've made them out to be, they aren't the perfect type you made up. And that could have ruined a beautiful relationship with daydreaming. It's honestly so heartbreaking and I feel it. <333333
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some it useful! Keep on writing, man, I enjoy reading it! Anyway byeeeeeeee<3
Ty for reviewing. I hate the capitalization as well but too lazy to change it
Hi,
I read this poem because the title caught my attention. It is an attractive title.
The poem is an innocent portrayal of love, or maybe the early stages of love. It is suggestive of adolescent infatuation (or love) due to its theme of spring. The poem stays true to this theme by using spring and flower-related phrases in the stanzas.
I also like the lighthearted mood of the poem.
It was a nice read. If I were to choose one thing i did not love about the poem, it would be the phrase "senseless senses". Although there is nothing wrong about it, I felt that sentence could be phrased differently. But that's just an opinion.
I like the last stanza of the poem the best.
Overall, a pleasant poem to read. Keep writing!
heres a review from me SadboyJay
First keep up the good poems i all i said that to Everybody Through but all poems are good but good luck to you through.
Second just keep trying your best with your work and poems...
Third we proud of you of your best work keep making more poems...
have a good day
Hello, Hikari here with a review!
Let's get right to it shall we?
{Waiting, I still wonder
How can I be smiling
Just by thinking of you.}
I liked this first stanza it draws you in and leads perfectly into the second stanza
{Images of your presence
Bloom in my room and my cup of tea
Getting my senseless senses
Drunk with you.}
I liked this stanza even better, this person obviously can't stop thinking of the other, and the illustration/comparison was beautiful!
{How is it possible
That imagined flowers
Smell better than their real brothers?}
Ah seems the person fell in love and then realized they fell for the imagined version and not what the actual person?
(That's my interpretation anyways) loved the poem kudos to you ❤
Hi there Buranko! I thought this poem was short and sweet. My first impression is that the speaker is musing on their feelings about a loved one, most likely a romantic partner. The poem has a loose, drifting rhythm that kind of mimics the structure of a daydream or thought. The short length and neat division into three stanzas somehow gives me the impression that one might print this on a card.
Subject, Themes, Narrative
The speaker seems to be marvelling at how thoughts of the loved one seems to pervade their mind and everyday life. This implies that they have a very close bond, at least on the speaker’s side. The speaker’s love for this person is described as being intoxicating, with images like “drunk” and sensory images of smell and taste (with the tea).
The title being “The spring of my senses” is interesting. It seems ambiguous to me whether this means ‘spring’ in the sense of the senses springing out, unexpected and in great intensity, or if it refers to the season of spring. I could imagine that spring as a season could be symbolic, maybe of beginnings, or it could suggest that the poem is about young love.
Language and Imagery
The images are mostly simple and direct, for instance the speaker describes themselves “smiling / just by thinking of you” and this seems to be a literal depiction. It creates an earnest, spontaneous tone.
In the second stanza, there is some subtle figurative imagery, which I like. It can be rare to see imagery that’s not either a metaphor or simile, so I appreciate the techniques you’ve used here. For instance, “Images . . . bloom” implicitly compares the image of the loved one to a flower, which links back to the idea of spring, suggesting that these are beautiful, joyful thoughts.
I always love an oxymoron, so “senseless senses” also stood out to me. I think it conveys how the loved one’s presence can flood the speaker’s systems almost, so that they lose their rationality, hence becoming “senseless”. It’s a nice bit of wordplay, and I thought having one play on words in a poem of this length seems to be just nice, without overwhelming the reader.
Sound and Structure
As I said earlier, I like the somewhat random and irregular lines and how they are interspersed throughout the poem. It makes it fun to read, like ‘ooh, when’s the next rhyme gonna be?’.
I like the assonance with bloom/room here, and how instead of having another occurrence of assonance, the rhythm is playfully asymmetrical by using alliteration in the next line instead. It makes it unpredictable.
I got a bit stuck at the second line here. I think I expected it to be “How I can be smiling”, since it doesn’t end with a question mark. It could also read as a question being read in a flat or low-key way, hence the full stop/ period at the end of the stanza, though.
Having the partial rhyme in flowers/brothers helped to give the poem a sense of closure, I think, without having the more rigid structure of an ending couplet.
That’s all
Hopefully you found some of this feedback helpful. Feel free to ask me anything about what I said in this review.
Keep writing!
-Lim
Ty for reviewing Lim, you rock <33. Your ideas and interpretation were spot on, especially with the title
Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your respective time zone. Anyway, onto the review. I very much enjoyed your poem. It was beautiful and poetic (well, duh, it’s a poem
), with loving, romantic themes.
[quotes]How is it possible
That imagined flowers
Smell better than their real brothers?[/quotes]
I think this was my favorite part of your poem. It was very eloquent, with vivid imagery expressing how dreamed love is “better”, for lack of a better word, if not the actual thing. I don’t have any critiques for you today, so I’ll end my review here. I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe, and keep writing!
-Lizzy