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History

by Buranko



A long time ago
people used to be cockroaches
that whispered squeaks
under their doors and floors.

They used to lock themselves
out of terror, the fear of insects
is primordial.

They shattered all mirrors
and stayed up late,
worshipping the blind light
of unlit candles.


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10 Reviews


Points: 33
Reviews: 10

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Mon Oct 18, 2021 3:34 am
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cryptologenic wrote a review...



hiya here to review :3

here's how i interpreted the poem:
from what i cant tell, you compared people to cockroaches and then used the fear of insects to show humanity's fear of itself. i really like the idea! reminds me of that kafka story, metamorphosis.

my only real criticisms are with language, i think the transition here:

under their doors and floors.

They used to lock their doors

could be a little smoother. i think the flow of the first and third stanzas on their own are good, but the second one feels a little disruptive. this makes the poem as a whole a little unecessarily hard to read i feel.

i enjoyed the last stanza's imagery, the implication of the shattered mirror really drives home humanity's desperate fear of seeing itself.
worshipping the blind light
of unlit candles.

these lines also have a very poignant effect. i think you used the sense of sight super well in that stanza, all the lines have the idea of 'unseeing' through the absence of light.

thanks for sharing your poem :]




Buranko says...


Thanks for reviewing :3



Buranko says...


It is inspired by kafka but not just metamorphosis, some other quotes i found in his works as well





cool! :o



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76 Reviews


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Reviews: 76

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Fri Oct 08, 2021 5:00 am
SadboyJay wrote a review...



hey @Buranko i im here to give you a short review cause now i see it is your poem is so short

So we going to get started!

First off Buranko you did pretty well on the poem and editing and actually the poem only had 3 lines i im telling you that cause the poem is so short you barely can't read the poem like that cause its to short but by the way its still a good poem Buranko and Excellent for making a poem about history

My compliment is Buranko what makes you wanna do a short poem like this anyway i im just saying cause i thought it was longer than that but i guess it was only 3 Buranko but the poem was totally epic

How you can improve is writing more than just 3 little sentences cause to me a poem would be longer than i expected but it was more than just that by the way you was suppose to make it more than that just 3 sentences but just write more than just that the next time you write a poem

Keep Writing @Buranko!!

-Jay




Buranko says...


So are you saying that the poem needs to be longer ? I have no clue what you just said



SadboyJay says...


yes



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Points: 216
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Thu Oct 07, 2021 8:53 pm
Sammmwich says...



good job




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Points: 216
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Thu Oct 07, 2021 8:50 pm
Sammmwich says...



Nice poem!





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