A long time ago
people used to be cockroaches
that whispered squeaks
under their doors and floors.
They used to lock themselves
out of terror, the fear of insects
is primordial.
They shattered all mirrors
and stayed up late,
worshipping the blind light
of unlit candles.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
hiya here to review :3
here's how i interpreted the poem:
from what i cant tell, you compared people to cockroaches and then used the fear of insects to show humanity's fear of itself. i really like the idea! reminds me of that kafka story, metamorphosis.
my only real criticisms are with language, i think the transition here:
could be a little smoother. i think the flow of the first and third stanzas on their own are good, but the second one feels a little disruptive. this makes the poem as a whole a little unecessarily hard to read i feel.
i enjoyed the last stanza's imagery, the implication of the shattered mirror really drives home humanity's desperate fear of seeing itself.
these lines also have a very poignant effect. i think you used the sense of sight super well in that stanza, all the lines have the idea of 'unseeing' through the absence of light.
thanks for sharing your poem :]
Thanks for reviewing :3
It is inspired by kafka but not just metamorphosis, some other quotes i found in his works as well
cool!
hey @Buranko i im here to give you a short review cause now i see it is your poem is so short
So we going to get started!
First off Buranko you did pretty well on the poem and editing and actually the poem only had 3 lines i im telling you that cause the poem is so short you barely can't read the poem like that cause its to short but by the way its still a good poem Buranko and Excellent for making a poem about history
My compliment is Buranko what makes you wanna do a short poem like this anyway i im just saying cause i thought it was longer than that but i guess it was only 3 Buranko but the poem was totally epic
How you can improve is writing more than just 3 little sentences cause to me a poem would be longer than i expected but it was more than just that by the way you was suppose to make it more than that just 3 sentences but just write more than just that the next time you write a poem
Keep Writing @Buranko!!
-Jay
So are you saying that the poem needs to be longer ? I have no clue what you just said
yes
good job
Nice poem!