a certain number of months
circling round a certain year.
a certain number of hours fighting today,
and another for the night.
a certain number of disciples someone had,
all contained into
two matches intersecting, another two
parallel near them
XII.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
So dark. Quite nice.
Hello Hikari here with a review! Let's get right into it shall we?
I like the title 'magic and Numbers' its simple but goes well with the theme!
The poem kinda reminded me of the batfam lol!
{a certain number of hours to fight in the day,
and another for fighting the night.}
Hmm I'm not sure why but I feel that this line doesn't go as smoothly as the rest? Not sure why sorry
But I liked the poem, kudos! ❤
Hey!! Forever here with a review!!
This was quite a good poem. Let's get right into it.
"Certain individual year" doesn't fit into the text. Also if you see the repetition of "certain", it appears in alternative lines of the first 6 lines. It just cuts the flow and nothing else. Also, it doesn't convey a good meaning. It's better to write it as "circling round an individual year". This is just a suggestion but you can also write it as "Dotting an individual year". The lines are a good introduction to the poem.
I don't know but "another one" obstructs the flow here and also, it made me think of another number other than 12 and I guess you don't intend that. Maybe write it as "the same" instead of "another one". I like the lines tho. They make me feel of time and how we have to struggle to keep up with time. Also, it somehow signifies the struggles of people, I guess.
Are you referring to Jesus Christ in these lines? He is the only one I can think of because he had 12 disciples. I don't know of anyone else having the very same. I wonder why you really referred to him as "someone". If there's any cause, I would like to know.
Thid was my favourite part of the poem. I really like how you have used imagery here to describe the number 12 with the help of matches. I will just suggest to put a comma after two matches. I am not very sure but I think that adding that comma will add to the flow of the poem.
Overall, the poem was really good and I love the idea how you decided to write on such a simple topic in such an extraordinary way. I was just wondering if there's any reason behind not capitalizing anything. I can't find any reason behind it. If you don't have any reason, capitalize the first letter of each line or the ones after full stops.
Hope it was helpful.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
I wanted to make the poem feel as detached as possible that is why you might spot the fact that I never use names or proper numbers. The term "certain" I believe it to work the best in the current meaning. Yes, it repeats but I love repeating words, intentionally, in my poems. Also I was referencing Jesus with that someone as I explained above, to not use any name and leave it to the reader to decipher it.
Capitalizing in all my works fulfills an aesthetic role and I do it however I feel like.
Thank you for the comma suggestion, it works so well