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Magic and numbers

by Buranko


a certain number of months
circling round a certain year.
a certain number of hours to fight in the day,
and another for fighting the night.
a certain number of disciples someone had,
all contained into
two matches intersecting, another two

parallel near them

XII.


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280 Reviews


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Thu Sep 16, 2021 4:20 pm
silented1 says...



So dark. Quite nice.




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Thu Sep 16, 2021 1:49 am
HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello Hikari here with a review! Let's get right into it shall we?

I like the title 'magic and Numbers' its simple but goes well with the theme!

The poem kinda reminded me of the batfam lol!

{a certain number of hours to fight in the day,
and another for fighting the night.}

Hmm I'm not sure why but I feel that this line doesn't go as smoothly as the rest? Not sure why sorry

But I liked the poem, kudos! ❤




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Tue Sep 14, 2021 5:52 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey!! Forever here with a review!!

This was quite a good poem. Let's get right into it.

a certain number of months
circling round a certain individual year.

"Certain individual year" doesn't fit into the text. Also if you see the repetition of "certain", it appears in alternative lines of the first 6 lines. It just cuts the flow and nothing else. Also, it doesn't convey a good meaning. It's better to write it as "circling round an individual year". This is just a suggestion but you can also write it as "Dotting an individual year". The lines are a good introduction to the poem.
a certain number of hours to fight in the day,
and another one for fighing the night.

I don't know but "another one" obstructs the flow here and also, it made me think of another number other than 12 and I guess you don't intend that. Maybe write it as "the same" instead of "another one". I like the lines tho. They make me feel of time and how we have to struggle to keep up with time. Also, it somehow signifies the struggles of people, I guess.
a certain number of disciples someone had,
all contained into

Are you referring to Jesus Christ in these lines? He is the only one I can think of because he had 12 disciples. I don't know of anyone else having the very same. I wonder why you really referred to him as "someone". If there's any cause, I would like to know.
two matches that intersect and another
two parallel near them
XII.

Thid was my favourite part of the poem. I really like how you have used imagery here to describe the number 12 with the help of matches. I will just suggest to put a comma after two matches. I am not very sure but I think that adding that comma will add to the flow of the poem.

Overall, the poem was really good and I love the idea how you decided to write on such a simple topic in such an extraordinary way. I was just wondering if there's any reason behind not capitalizing anything. I can't find any reason behind it. If you don't have any reason, capitalize the first letter of each line or the ones after full stops.

Hope it was helpful.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




Buranko says...


I wanted to make the poem feel as detached as possible that is why you might spot the fact that I never use names or proper numbers. The term "certain" I believe it to work the best in the current meaning. Yes, it repeats but I love repeating words, intentionally, in my poems. Also I was referencing Jesus with that someone as I explained above, to not use any name and leave it to the reader to decipher it.

Capitalizing in all my works fulfills an aesthetic role and I do it however I feel like.

Thank you for the comma suggestion, it works so well




gonna be honest, i dont believe in the moon
— sheyren