Hi! This poem is wonderful, I really enjoy fantasy, poems and stories, The flow was amazing, and I look forward to more of these type of poems
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The Toothless Boar Inn is open again
Otherwise known as the
Gold eater.
It reeks of magic in there
Just stay a few hours in the steam that
Always fills the room.
Listen to the laughs and the stories
Brave adventurers say,
And your money are gone.
However, this night is different.
Instead of strong laughters and
The usual drunk yells,
Silence rules over the building.
A faint voice is talking about
Fantastic adventures.
The source of that voice is a thin
Young man.
He is a bard
Few bards ever passed through
The lonely swamp town.
Most people think
That town belongs to witches
But most people here are nice, though
They have a habit of getting drunk.
The bard talks about a strong warrior.
That roamed the world looking for a
Stronger opponent.
You see our warrior.
Was really bored.
Countless armies caught him
And ordered he was executed.
Spears shattered, swords exploded,
Axes broke into millions of pieces when
They touched his body.
When they tried to drown him
And left him underwater for weeks,
The lakes dried out.
Our warrior drank all the water there.
And so, without anything challenging him.
The poor warrior was bored.
He wanted someone to
Defeat him.
As he walked deep in thought.
The road beneath him crumbled.
What happened? An old snake just woke up
From centuries of hibernation
His scales were
Shining so bright one could look at the sun
But couldn’t look at that organic armor.
His tongue shivered
Smelling the fresh air.
The shivers sent ripples in the air
So strong they passed through you.
Watching the warrior the snake licked his lips.
After hibernating for so long, it was hungry.
A weak human could
Serve as a good breakfast.
At least as a snack.
The beast opened its gigantic mouth,
Ready to swallow the warrior in one bite.
But suddenly the snake saw white.
Regaining its senses
The creature saw a human with his fists clenched.
Shocked, the snake tried again, same result.
The warrior seemed to have fun.
He jumped on the creature,
And bare-handed ripped a scale out of its body.
The snake roared, yes it did
Old snakes roar, young snakes are too
Spoiled so they hiss.
Then angrily hit the warrior with its head.
The human didn’t expect that and fell off
But quickly jumped back
Into the fight
A day passed, then passed another one.
The warrior finally defeated the snake
He grabbed some scales
And hung them on his belt…
The bard sighed, he finished the story
People all around him watched in awe.
Bards sure have the best stories.
But this silence quickly dissipated.
A loud yell and
the sound of beer travelling down
the neck highway replaced it.
The inn’s doors opened slowly
A strong man entered.
He was wearing only a pair of pants,
Tightly held by a belt.
Hanging from the belt
Some shiny scales dangled…
Hi! This poem is wonderful, I really enjoy fantasy, poems and stories, The flow was amazing, and I look forward to more of these type of poems
Hey there, Buranko! I'm Lee, and here to review your poem.
Welcome to YWS, of course!
I'll get right to it. Please take whatever you find useful and ignore the rest if you wish.
The poem/ballad is quite interesting, with a fairly good plot. It's nice to see a fantastic poem once in a while. I really enjoyed the imagery, and the twist at the end was definitely worth it.
There are a few things I'd like to point out, though.
It reeks of magic in there
Listen to the laughs and the stories
Brave adventurers say,
And your money are gone.
A faint voice is talking about
Fantastic adventures.
The source of that voice is a thin
Young man.
He is a bard
The bard talks about a strong warrior.
That roamed the world looking for a
Stronger opponent.
You see our warrior.
Was really bored.
And ordered he was executed.
An old snake just woke up
From centuries of hibernation
His scales were
Shining so bright one could look at the sun
But couldn’t look at that organic armor.
The shivers sent ripples in the air
So strong they passed through you.
the neck highway replaced it.
The inn’s doors opened slowly
A strong man entered.
He was wearing only a pair of pants,
Tightly held by a belt.
Hanging from the belt
Some shiny scales dangled…
Hello Buranko, here to review! I mostly stick to short stories or fiction in general, but this poem kind of has that same feeling. It looks interesting as well, so, why not?
And without further ado, I'll get started.
This is usually the part where I mention grammar, but since this is a poem, I can't really. But I'll mention some parts that sounded weird to me.
But most people here are nice, though
They have a habit of getting drunk.
It reeks of magic in there
Just stay a few hours in the steam that
Always fills the room.
Listen to the laughs and the stories
Brave adventurers say,
And your money are gone.
A faint voice is talking about
Fantastic adventures.
The source of that voice is a thin
Young man.
He is a bard
The bard talks about a strong warrior.
That roamed the world looking for a
Stronger opponent.
You see our warrior.
Was really bored.
Countless armies caught him
And ordered he was executed.
Spears shattered, swords exploded,
Axes broke into millions of pieces when
They touched his body.
And bare-handed ripped a scale out of its body.
The snake roared, yes it did
Old snakes roar, young snakes are too
Spoiled so they hiss.
Points: 60
Reviews: 47
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