z

Young Writers Society



Perseus

by Buranko


Strolling through my grandmother's yard

I met a chicken.
This was not any ordinary chicken though,
He had a name: Perseus, Mr. Perseus.

Mr. Perseus was one hell of a chicken.
He walked proudly, behind him,
All the female chickens histerically yelled
Love declarations.

He wore his bright red comb
Following the recent fashion changes.
His feather suit was also
Designer made.

Watching him I could clearly say
That this chicken was quite narcissistic.
Every 3 minutes, after circling the yard perimeter,
He would go to the water district.

There, in the clean surface,
Perseus would watch carefully.
Then after exactly 39 seconds
He would shout with immense satisfaction.

That was Perseus.
The most beautiful chicken that ever lived
In my grandmother's yard.
Now he is the tastiest !


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
91 Reviews


Points: 2400
Reviews: 91

Donate
Mon Sep 07, 2020 8:00 am
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi Buranko,
I'm here with a review. As @Lezuli said, your poem is hilarious. It's a nice story of a proud chicken that is also very tasty.
I found two little mistakes.
"All the female chickens histerically yelled"
I believe it should be hysterically.
"Now he is the tastiest !"
Here, you don't need the space between tastiest and the exclamation mark. I also love this ending. :)

This is a great short poem.
I hope my review helped you and didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris.




Buranko says...


Thanks for review <3



MoonIris says...


:)



User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 1962
Reviews: 58

Donate
Mon Sep 07, 2020 2:30 am
Lezuli wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here to review this hilarious little poem for you!
This is a very funny poem and I really like the end line since it is so off-kilter from the rest of the poem!

He wore his bright red comb

I wasn't quite sure what this means, but I assume you don't mean a literally comb.
His feather suit was also/Designer made.

Love the feather suit thing.
He would go to the water district.

I like how you're taking animal things(comb, feather, water) and turning it into human stuff. Like designer outfits or a 'water district'(at least, I think that's what you're doing).
Over all, this was a very nice, funny little poem, that I quite enjoyed!
I hope this review helps you!




Buranko says...


Comb has a lot of meanings. One of them is the zoological one and it's the fleshy red part on a chicken's head



Lezuli says...


Yeah, after reading it again, I thought that's what you meant. Thanks for explaining!



User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Mon Sep 07, 2020 1:08 am
Walker85 says...



I love this




Buranko says...


I'm really glad to hear that <3




Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman