Young Writers Society

I love this poem a lot! My favorite line is

With the morning sun creeping slowly,

A new day begins.
September is clumsy in his trying
Of earning the season throne
The summer months are fierce
They sweared not to give up their position that easily.
So, with crafty means, august tries overwhelming with his heat

Hi there Buranko! Welcome to YWS - if you have any questions about the site (or this review), feel free to ask!

I'll start this out by saying I agree with everything @Ravenlord said, so I'll try my best not to be too repetitive

I really enjoy your use of line breaks (specifically enjambment ~ breaking lines where there wouldn't naturally be a pause) in this poem, as it emphasizes important words and phrases. For example in the lines "A wide grin rises slowly on his // Sunburnt face", the image of his burnt face is highlighted. It also contributes really well to an overall stop-and-start flow of the poem!

Having said that, I do have a couple of small suggestions about line breaks and formatting!

The air imbued with

Pure winter essence.

The air imbued with
Pure winter essence.

August clenches his teeth. However
A wide grin rises slowly on his

August clenches his teeth,
However - a wide grin rises slowly on his

They sweared not to give up their position that easily.
So, with crafty means, august tries overwhelming with his heat

Little droplets of water are making their way
On the suffering soil

Of earning the season throne
...
So, with crafty means, august tries overwhelming with his heat
...
What follows next is not hard to guess
...
On the suffering soil

Hi, Buranko! Welcome to YWS and Happy RevMo! I'm RavenLord and I'm here to review this piece for ya.

I'm gonna start with the positives and then hop into some critiques. First of all, I love your characterization of September as "young and inexperienced." I don't see a lot of personified Septembers out there, so this was a really cool and original idea. The conflict between August and September is also very interesting to see. Your entire concept of summer fading into fall looks very well thought-out, to be sure.
One of my favorite lines was "The air imbued with/Pure winter essence." I could feel and smell that in my memory.

Okay, on to the less pleasant yet no less necessary part of the job.

First critique: Your tone feels a little unsure here. In some places the poem reads as a formal piece (like in the line mentioned above), while in others there's a distinctly childish feel to the words (like in "POW! the sky suddenly cracked."). I love both styles for different reasons, but it feels a little disjointed to find both in the same poem.

Second: While I do love that line about winter, it feels slightly out of place where you put it. If I'm being honest, it would work better at the very end of the poem, since the end feels slightly unfinished to begin with. The end feels as if it stops just after the climax without resolution, and if you added a couple more lines and then transferred the winter line to the end of the poem, you'd have an excellent finish!

Third: I want to see more of the fight! I love the back and forth between September and August in the beginning of the final stanza, but then it loses some of its gusto. I think this is where the ending begins to feel rushed and unresolved, so I'd love to see some more details for the battle between the seasons.

Some smaller notes now:

In the first stanza, the phrase "trying of earning" should be reconsidered. It doesn't really mean anything grammatically, so perhaps some rewording would be good.

There are some capitalization inconsistencies with the names.

I don't think I have any more critiques for you! This is a great first poem, and I can't wait to see what else you have for us! Once again, welcome to YWS! Happy writing

Regards,
RavenLord