I sit and sigh,
by the ledge of the broken bridge,
the bridge that connected the castle to the tower.
I look upfront,
the tower barely alive
revealing the world behind.
The sky pink and orange
with the tides washing my mind.
The sun lays down,
as it calmly dissolves.
The clouds painted in pink and blue,
looking like a painting,
A painting made by a kid named God.
The kid blows down a wind,
sprinkling water down to my world.
The rain glowing like sun drops in the orange canvas of its own
The mosses on the bridge feels soft in my hand.
As I look behind,
I see the dark blue sky with the wrecked castle in a glow
Water pours down my face,
and my hair stick to my neck.
I stand up and look to the pink sky,
The sun no more.
I sigh once again,
and run back to the world below.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello!! As CATS said, this poem paints a vivid, peaceful picture in the reader's mind. I love looking at the clouds, so I was happy to see that sense of wonder and beauty reflected in this poem.
There's something so melancholy yet captivating about ruins. :')
This is totally optional, but I personally was curious about the story behind that bridge. Was it broken just because of age, or was it intentionally broken, or did something else happen? Does the narrator have any connection to it, or is it simply a nice place to sit?
Nice bit of personification here! Just a typo, I think-- "calmy" should be "calmly".
The comparison of God to a kid was really interesting, because I feel like in most religions, he's compared to a father or some wise, elder being. But in the context of the sky, which can definitely look finger-painted, I think it works. It also brings a sense of innocence and newness to this scene.
Just a small thing, but the punctuation is inconsistent! Unless you're intentionally putting periods at the ends of some sentences and not others, it looks more professional to keep to the same pattern of punctuation. ^^
Absolutely gorgeous. This is another nitpick, but I noticed that "drops" was repeated and wondered if a different word could replace one, maybe? Like "The drips glowing" or "sun sprinkles" or something.
Love the sensory detail relating to texture/touch! It's also neat that this shows the age of the ruins.
This was a beautiful ending. It feels like the narrator came here for an escape from the mundane world, possibly while dealing with some problems that are the cause of their sighs. I hope this scene gave them some peace and rest, at least for a few moments.
This poem made me happy and calm as I was reading it. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Thank you so much for your review Spearmint. I have corrected the punctuations and typos as much as I could catch for now, thank you for pointing it out.
As for the castle, it is a ruined place, ruin from a war. I had a picture of a bridge destroyed by a cannon fire. The castle was near a seashore, so yeah- a pretty good view from that bridge.
The narrator doesn't have a connection technically, but they do feel this place to be their ruined bridge. Like they see freedom across the sky and the sea but the bridge is broken and they can't cross it. But they have came in terms with that fact and now they just sit on the edge and adore the view or we can say long for the freedom..... Before going back down to the busy world again.
Ohhh I love that backstory! And the connection to the narrator seeing freedom but being unable to cross the broken bridge to get there is awesome. Thanks!
This is amazing! As I read it, my mind painted the scene so clearly. That is how you know it is a great poem. It gives off peace, creativity, and beauty. The part where it says the drops glowing like sun drops in the orange canvas of its own is very descriptive. It is really good of how you compared everything to describe it. The only part...Canva? is that suppose to mean canvas? That is all. Everything else is perfect
Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me. And yeah, canva means canvas. Thank you though, I'll change it ^^
No problem