My eyes stay wide open at nights,
imagining the things I couldn't do today,
Those eyelids slowly give up,
and the dreams spiral out of control again--
I run across the meadow,
the grass grazing against my waist,
The wind tucks my hair back,
and the sun plant warm kisses on my cheeks
The laughters echo and caresses the back of my ears,
I look back--
Those shining eyes and smile creased faces
urging me to run more than yesterday.
I run out of breath again,
and go back to opening the windows today,
Those long forgotten faces I'm scared to see,
gauges a feeling in me--
Urging me to imagine
the things I can never do again
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Hia~
Figured I read one more work before heading home and I landed on yours :3
The first thing I notice is the way the text is formatted. Very peculiar!
Ohh so basically left side is the awake self and right side the dream.
Oh shouldn’t it be “the sun plantS”?
And I like that apparently there is someone in the narrator’s life to encourage them! At least in the dream!
Oh and then reality comes crashing down in the last section of the poem. Shortness of breath… Maybe age or injury that is keeping them from doing what they would have wanted to do?
Or …the long forgotten faces… Maybe the ppl that were once there to support and cheer on… are no longer in their life? ☹
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Hello luv! Decided to finally review your work ehe
Second of all, this is quite an imagery! What I mean is, it's beautifulll ^^
Okay first of all, I have noticed that youu have a simplistic yet profound way with words
Okay let's check the poem part-by-part:
"My eyes stay wide open at nights,
imagining the things I couldn't do today,
Those eyelids slowly give up,
and the dreams spiral out of control again--"
I'm seeing the words today and again sort of rhyme, I don't know if that was intentional so lemme know. If it was intentional, I suggest following the rhyming throughout, perhaps in a specific rhyming scheme. That aside, pretty relatable— the thoughts that come up in our head, I mean. But then again, before these thoughts can escalate, we drift to unconsciousness, I mean we fall asleep. I am assuming that's what you were trying to explain in the first part.
"I run across the meadow,
the grass grazing against my waist,
The wind tucks my hair back,
and the sun plant warm kisses on my cheeks
The laughters echo and caresses the back of my ears,
I look back--
Those shining eyes and smile creased faces
urging me to run more than yesterday."
This, I am assuming is a dream that the speaker is having but also an urge. Nice description and imagery once again. I wonder what the laughter symbolises here though. Other than that I'm having a little trouble understanding the last two lines (personal skill issue lol), I wonder who is behind that smile that is motivating the speaker to run.
"I run out of breath again,
and go back to opening the windows today,
Those long forgotten faces I'm scared to see,
gauges a feeling in me--
Urging me to imagine
the things I can never do again"
Seems like the speaker here is feeling pretty dejected here, are the faces that they are scared to see the same ones from the previous stanza? Just wondering. Also, if my whole dream sequence ish analogy is correct then this part literally refers to waking up or coming back to reality (just a personal interpretation), which is very depressing and gloomy, making the spaker reminisce about the thins they could never do again (maybe this is about childhood?)
Alright, that all. Keep writing!!
Thank you for the review!
Anyways, I didn't plan on any rhyming scheme. Totally unintentional, I find them hard to insert in my work- I prefer free-verse.
And yes, at the end of the first stanza, the narrator falls asleep and wakes up in the starting of the third stanza.
And the people who the describe in the 2nd stanza can be anyone dear to the narrator. But the narrator deliberately pushed them away, and now they are haunted by that decision.
Well yeah, it can be interpreted as childhood- but it can be in any period of life, it's about pushing the people away who were close the heart.
Thankyou for clarifying!!
Beautiful, you alright?
Feeling slay :^>
I love the poem! the whole is sad, but the inner part is really nice
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it ^^