Lightning of Color

Hello! Allow me to leave a little review.

This is an interesting work in the way it uses lightning to make observations about another person. I don't typically find that lightning is used in talking about revealing one's "true colors," so this is a creative approach. It's called bright and quick, too much so. To me, this speaks of the narrator seeing someone in a new, unanticipated way, one that might not be entirely pleasant.

It's interesting how you said, "You shone black like that void." Black isn't usually used in combination with something that shines, so this makes the reader think about it in a different way. Maybe this unusual combination can evoke the idea that the revelation you're describing was unexpected.

It sounds like the narrator is somehow drawn to the person they're describing, even though they're also likening them to danger and indicating they're something they didn't expect. I'm getting the idea that the narrator doesn't want to admit what some sudden revelation has revealed about this other person, and they try to stay, try to keep seeing them as they once did, before. But somehow, they just can't see it anymore. Were they ever what the narrator thought they were?

In the next to last stanza, you have a couple lines saying, "Am I blind, or it's just dark?" This should be corrected to this wording: "Am I blind, or is it just dark?" Other than that, I think everything's spelled correctly.

Well, thanks for sharing this work! Keep writing!

Hi, I came across this on the home page and it looked interesting. I tend to use a compliment sandwich when reviewing work. I'll stat of with things I like, then some tips for improvement followed by more positive points. I hope this is helpful!

First, the title is eyecatching and fits the topic of the poem well. I like that the poem seems to be a metaphor for the emotions a person feels when seeing someone they like. Some of the lines I especially enjoyed that bring the poem to life are "It showed me your colors/too bright, too quick," "the truth burned too steep/yet too low," and "I wonder if I have grown too weak/weak to see any color of you/Or if that color even exists....." These lines really connect the poem to its deeper themes.

Second, friendly suggestions: You repeat the line "my eyes burn" varying it with "my heart burns." Repetition is a good poetry technique, but in this case it comes of as repeating a cliche saying. Instead, a more original line to repeat such as "my pupils inflame" (a bad example, but you get what I mean, hopefully) might add more interest. Otherwise, you could continue the pattern of "my eyes burn," followed by "my heart burns" with "my lungs burn" or similar.

Lastly, the formating on this poem alternating the placement of stanzas adds interest. It's the first thing I noticed when I opend this poem and it instantly made me want to read more. It reminds me of the avant-garde poems in Western Literature Associations journal, the way they're formatted on the page.

I hope this was helpful. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future