Romeo and Juliet

by Boolovesyou

Published February 10, 2011

In Lyric Poems

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Hand in hand
Heart to Heart
No command
Love from the start
Hate grown like a tree
Love conquered that which could not be
Tragedy sparked a fire
Consumed in flames
Love was the desire
Fate was to blame

I realize the punctuation may be weird, but I didn't spend much time on that.

Comments & reviews · 8
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BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · Feb 11, 2011

Hiya Boo! Hope here to review! (hey look at that I should be a poet ;))

Hand in hand,
Heart to Heart,
No command,
Affection from the start.
I don't think affection is really the right word, what Romeo and Juliet have is more like love/lust. Maybe use the word passion instead? Or something like it.

Hate grown like a tree,
Love conquered that which could not be.
Now the two other stanzas have a pattern of A-B-A-B. While this one right in the middle is just A-A, which throws off the flow and rhythm of the poem.

Tragedy sparked a fire.
Consumed in flames,
Love was the desire.
Fate was to blame
This stanza I really just love, it sums up the whole story and captures the real underlying meaning of it. Great job!

I think it would be a good idea to add onto this a little bit more, edit the first two stanzas and possibly add a few more. I'd like to see a little more about the characters, and things that happen in the play. But what you have here is really good, great start!

Good luck, keep writing, and PM me if you ever need anything!

~Hope

writerwithacause wrote a review Review · Feb 11, 2011

Not bad, it is simple... but you could have worked on the rhyme and rhythm a little more. I am not praising rhyme in any way, as there are many beautiful and meaningful poems that have no defined structure, but I think it might have worked on your poem.

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misstoria
Comment
misstoria commented Comment · Feb 11, 2011

I liked this poem because it can relate to several time periods and not just Romeo and Juliet.

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322sivart
Review
322sivart wrote a review Review · Feb 11, 2011

I really liked it. But as someone has mentioned before me, it's difficult to figure out where to put the stress on each line. I have never read the story before, but I like this nevertheless. Keep up the great work; I'd like to read some of your otehr poetry!
-Alex

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Amberla93
Review
Amberla93 wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2011

Ello,

I liked this... It can be related to many people's relationships. Not just the classic tale of Romeo and Juliet. :)

Good job, keep writing :)

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Emmzziee
Review
Emmzziee wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2011

I like this :D
And it's in a good format; like, it's written in an older-fashioned way which obviously definately suits the theme
:) The only thing I would suggest is expanding your descriptive techniques - it's not very... dramatic. But, I'm just being picky 'cos I love reading really emotional poems ;) Yes, I love it! :D The beginning part, about the heart of hearts and all of that; it reminds me of a mixture of a song and Alice in Wonderland... You know, with the Queen of Hearts... And... ;)


I like your poem :D s'goood Xx

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lele253isme
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lele253isme commented Comment · Feb 10, 2011

Pretty good I like it. I really do. Since I read romeo and juliet.

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IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2011

I like the concept of the poem, but you're right; the punctuation is a bit strange and makes the poem difficult to understand as it is hard to tell where to put the stress in each line. I also think some of the lines need re-ordering as the rhyming pattern is either quite odd, or some of the syllabuls don't fit into the count properly. i think you need to go along and sound out each line to check it comes out exactly as you want it to.
Other than that, it's really nice and I love the end line, ; it's so true!



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