Maven's eyes flew open. It was nighttime.
Her body began to shake and her teeth chattered. It was like the very air around her was made of ice. But it was nothing compared to her throbbing leg. The bleeding had stopped, but the pain made her think someone was still running a sword through her leg.
Maven gritted her teeth and forced herself into a sitting position. A moan escaped her pale lips as more pain flared throughout her. She swallowed hard, but found that her mouth was completely dry. She was now beginning to get a terrible headache.
Her gaze suddenly flicked over to a body that laid next to her. And she remembered what had happened. The man's skin was white and his eyes were still open, as if he were still alive. She spotted her sword a few feet away. She took a deep breath, willing herself to get up. She had to. Or she would die.
Her injured leg screamed in agony, but she ignored it. She was going to make it back to the cave. She froze. And then what? Fall to the ground dramatically just as she enters and faint again, only to awake to a smug Rune saying he saved her life. No. No, that would not be happening. Her pride had been ruined too many times over already.
She had now, somehow, made it to her feet, putting all her weight onto her good leg. She limped over to her sword and stooped over to pick it up. She nearly fell over, but righted herself at the last moment. She leaned against her sword for support, mind spinning with what to do.
Then it hit her. Fyron.
She had told him last night to meet her in the forest, when everyone had fallen asleep, so that they could do dagger training. She could only hope that even after a day without seeing her at all he would remember. But then again, he may also not be there because he was now afraid of her. But it was her only option.
The journey was slow and painful. She had to stop every now and then to catch her breath, or check to see if her leg was bleeding again. She had already lost a lot of blood, losing more would probably kill her.
The further she went, the colder it got, and once she thought about giving up. But then Rune's ugly face popped into her mind, with that little smirk he always had whenever she had messed up when they had been kids. She would not be put to shame. She could make it. She would make it.
She now thought that she was nearing the spot where she had trained Fyron. And her suspicions became validated when she saw that tree Fyron had been throwing daggers into.
Maven came to a stop, chest heaving. “Fyron?” she called, her voice extremely weak. “Fyron, are you here?”
A boy with pale skin and white-blonde hair came out from behind a tree. At first he looked slightly frightened, then he seemed to have noticed her situation. His golden eyes widened and he rushed towards her, grabbing her arms. “What happened?” he gasped.
Maven made a jerk to throw him off of her, but she didn't have the strength. “You can't tell Rune,” she growled as sternly as she could manage. “He mustn't know.”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” Fear and worry consumed his once hard and mysterious eyes.
“I need water and a bandage.” She was now feeling very dizzy, and swayed slightly on her sword. “Do you know where Rune keeps those?”
Fyron nodded. “Everyone knows where those are.” He paused studying her. “You need to sit down.” He began to pushed her backwards.
Alarm jumped in the pit of Maven's stomach, but by now her eyes were beginning to fail her. She couldn't stop him as he pressed her against a tree and brought her down in a sitting position.
“I'll be right back.” And he ran off, swiftly but silently.
Maven shivered and looked down at her wounded leg. Her pants were completely covered in dried blood. The place where Fyron had cut her was beginning to ache. She traced a finger down the five-inch gash. She hoped it would become a scar. That would complete her look.
Minutes past and she was beginning to feel life slip away.
So when Fyron finally returned, he was nothing but a black silhouette coming towards her. He crouched down to her level.
“Here, drink this.” His voice was so very distant, and it seemed to echo off the trees in a way that made it very difficult to understand.
Maven felt something press against her lips and water rushed down her throat. It stopped coming all too soon, and the pain in her leg suddenly doubled as Fyron began wrapping it in a bandage. Maven gasped for breath and clutched her sword in one hand, squeezing it tightly. Then the pain receded and something was pulled over her, warming her body.
“I brought your blanket,” Fyron told her.
Her eyes closed and she couldn't even manage a slight nod.
“Do you want my to stay with you?”
“No,” she croaked harshly, surprising herself that she could form the words. “Go.”
He lingered a moment longer before turning, slowly walking away.
That was when Maven gave in to sleep and her body went limp.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there, and happy review day.
Consider showing us what she remembered, rather than just telling she remembered something. It's a short chapter and you're pacing is excellent, so I doubt it'll slow down the story. it'll probably makes things even more interesting to be honest.I really liked this. You prose flows beautifully and is wonderful to read. I only have little nitpicks for you.
First, is that you use the word but a lot, particularly at the start of the sentence. I noticed because I do this a lot too. Technically it's grammatically incorrect, but it's one thing you can sometimes get away with. I would advise revising some of these sentences just so you're not using it a lot, otherwise it gets a little irksome.
Also, be careful of thought verbs in general. Examples of thought verbs are, well, thought, knew, imagined, realized, remembered, etc... The problem with these is they pull the reader out of the story because they bring you, the author, into the story and remind your readers that's fiction. They are also an example of telling when you should be showing. Sometimes you have to use them for clarity's or brevity's sake, but try to avoid them. Sometimes you have to completely rewrite the sentence, while other times you can just delete them.
I'm assuming, since it's a rhetorical question, it should have a question mark instead of a period.
I think it would sound better if rephrased it to "...surprised she could form the word."
The last thing I want to talk about is the word that. That is an interesting word because it's often used needlessly. For example this sentence could become " She had told him last night to meet her in the forest, when everyone had fallen asleep, so they could do dagger training." See how it still makes sense? I recommend reading every sentence without the word that and if it still makes sense, delete it.
And that's all I got for you. Your descriptions were perfect, and not excessive which I like. The detailed descriptions of her physical state made me feel like I was experiencing things along with her. Excellent job!
Thanks for sharing.
-Art
Thanks for the review!
Hello Bookwolf! I decided to read a couple [more] of your pieces and I thought I'd try to review one of them for once.. xD
And she remembered what had happened.
Just to make it sound less sounding like it was stated, you could instead put 'And suddenly the memories flowed back to her.' Just a suggestion.
He lingered a moment longer before turning [and] slowly walking away.
I felt as though the comma was not needed, but if you read over your original sentence a couple of times, I think you'll see why I decided to add an and in there.
But then again, he may also not be there because he was now afraid of her.
A couple of words in here didn't have to be included, and sound slightly better without them. I'd suggest changing it to: 'Then again, he may have not also been there because he was afraid of her.' I removed the 'but' and 'now', because it didn't nor help or improve the sentence, it's just a better sentence when it's less wordy.
That would complete her look.
This seems sarcastic, so perhaps she could be thinking it in italics, but you'd add at the end 'she thought sarcastically', though you could leave it the same.
Minutes past and she was beginning to feel life slip away.
I searched this up to see if what you used as 'past' in the sentence was correct, I couldn't make much sense of this Google answer, but you might be able to.
Remember that no matter however you have ”passed the time” you have never “past the time,” not even in the distant past. “Past” can be an adjective, a noun, a preposition, or an adverb, but never a verb. If you need to write the past tense of the verb “to pass,” use “passed.”
Fall to the ground dramatically just as she enters and faint again, only to awake to a smug Rune saying he saved her life. No. No, that would not be happening. Her pride had been ruined too many times over already.
I loved this paragraph because of the emotion. I guess I'm pointing it out as my most favorite paragraph because of the emotion. Once I read the Infernal Devices, I realized that emotion was thoroughly needed when talking, when one would pause to do something, and I actually realized that people [in a book] would not simply face each other and talk, but use simple hand gestures. (Sorry for that R.O and that kind of useless tip)
She had told him last night to meet her in the forest, when everyone had fallen asleep, so that they could do dagger training.
I felt that when you said 'do' it seemed awkward and unable to fit in. I can't seem to think of much now except that maybe you could replace it with 'complete'.
Overall, I enjoyed the expressed feeling in this piece, but perhaps some potential is left to be said. Another tip: In reality, most chapters people post on here [even mine] would be one or maybe two pages, (except the people who post loooonngg chapters) and if you were looking to publish it professionally or making it a more extended book, I'd suggest lengthening it. I actually set a limit of how many paragraphs I must do and I always look back to make sure if anything needs to be added.
Thank you so much for the lengthy review!
As for the correction you pointed out about 'past' and 'passed'; Past means something that happened in the past--like yesterday was the past. And passed means that something passed by you, or the minuets passed by. And that being said, I see that what I put in my story is wrong. 
And this isn't even the real length of the chapter, note that I put 'Part 1'.
You really go all out to write a good one. <3
The reason I keep these stories short is because I don't want to overwhelm people with so much to read.
Anyway, thanks again for the review!
Oh. I'm dumb not to notice that xD
Your welcome!
Hey Bookwolf!
Great job with this one! I loved reading it! I can't wait to see what happens next! I am on the edge of my seat! LITERALLY!! 
Great Job! Keep writing! 
I couldn't find anything wrong with this part! No typos, no sentences that seemed to be mixed up, nothing!
-Snazzy
Thanks, I really appreciate it!
Your story is very creative and definitely dragged me into the world that you are describing. There was only a few words that were out of place, but other then that it was amazing.
Excellent work.
Thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.