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The Powerful Gifts (Chapter 2, Part 1) ((Corrected))

Maven stood just outside the cave. The air was warm and extremely humid. The clouds were a deep grey. All the signs of incoming storm. She would not be leaving today. She began to walk, passing tall trees and large bushes as she went. She felt a weight at her side, which she knew was her sword. Rune had given it to her that morning. She remembered when the weight had felt so natural and when she had felt vulnerable without it, but now she felt off balanced and weird. She hoped a little training would get her adjusted to it again.

Once she felt far enough from the cave, away from spying eyes, she removed her sword from its sheath. She stared down at it in her hands. It was longer than her old sword and much heavier, but the tip was more precise and the handle was smooth, easy to grip. She took a few practice swings, jumping back and forth with each slash. Any other person would have already felt tired for their muscles would have been very diminished from the long years in prison, but Maven had the Gift of Eternal Fitness and Beauty. Which also explained why she had remained so clean in prison while the others had rotted away.

She stopped for a breath then lunged at a nearby tree, slamming the side of her weapon into its trunk, creating a deep gash. When she yanked her sword back from inside the tree, slimy sap escaped from it, trickling down to the pine needle covered ground.

Maven then spun around, twirling the sword above her head and slashing the top of a bush clean off.

She trained for many hours like this before the sky began to leak large raindrops and rumbles of thunder, forcing her to go back.

She entered the cave, still swinging her sword around and walked over to her corner. She ignored the stares and sat there studying her weapon in her lap. Without turning her head she watched as some people moved closer to Rune, who was sitting by the fire. She just barely heard one of them whisper,

“Do you really think she can be trusted with a sword?”

This made her smile and from now on she made a decision to never put her sword away. She strained for Rune's reply and heard,

“You can go over and take it from her if you want, but I'm not going to.”

Maven's smile widened as she stared down at her sword when they all looked in her direction, but none of them made a move towards her.

The storm raged on for the rest of the day with deafening booms and winds that would make you think the very trees were being lifted from their roots. And it was well after dark when it slowly calmed to a quiet drizzle.

Maven still hadn't fallen asleep, for some reason she didn't feel tired, even after her long training session. But everyone else seemed to be. Everyone else except Fyron Crane, the boy who had been fearless enough – or maybe stupid enough – to talk to her. The child was sitting across from her on the other side of the cave, his golden eyes boring into her. She was not bothered or annoyed by his stares anymore, but rather enjoyed them. She couldn't help but wonder what kinds of things went on inside his mind. When she had first met him she had known right away that something singled him out from the rest. She had also noticed that he never talked to anyone, and no one talked to him either. In a way, they were the same.

Maven stood and stepped over sleeping bodies, making her way over to Fyron. She still held her sword in her hand. She sat down next to him.

“Shouldn't you be asleep?” she asked.

“Shouldn't you?”

Maven resisted a grin. “What other Gifts do you have?”

“I don't often reveal them to people,” Fyron replied. He seemed slightly subdued today.

“Of course,” she said in a mock understanding. “Do you have training in any kind of weapon?” she asked, noticing his eyes upon her sword.

“No, Rune says we can't train to fight until we are fourteen,” he answered almost grudgingly.

“Well, I learned to fight at eight,” she told him. “Would you like me to teach you?”

She saw a dark emotion cloud his eyes that looked suspiciously like hunger.

“Daggers,” he whispered as though to himself. Then said louder, “Could you train me to use daggers?”

Maven couldn't resist. “I thought Rune said you couldn't learn until you were fourteen,” she purred.

“He doesn't have to know,” the boy said quickly, leaning forward.

Maven smiled approvingly at him. “Do know where to get some daggers?”

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
ambeezy
Review
ambeezy wrote a review · Wed Nov 05, 2014 5:43 am

Helllloooo BookWolf! Ahhhh I'm so behind with your story! *Grrrrrrr. Forgive me! College is sucking the life out of me! ugggh. Well, lets not waste anytime shall we? On to the review!

So, I must say I really enjoyed this part. It was written really smoothly. I especially enjoyed this paragraph:

Maven still hadn't fallen asleep, for some reason she didn't feel tired, even after her long training session. But everyone else seemed to be. Everyone else except Fyron Crane, the boy who had been fearless enough – or maybe stupid enough – to talk to her. The child was sitting across from her on the other side of the cave, his golden eyes boring into her. She was not bothered or annoyed by his stares anymore, but rather enjoyed them. She couldn't help but wonder what kinds of things went on inside his mind. When she had first met him she had known right away that something singled him out from the rest. She had also noticed that he never talked to anyone, and no one talked to him either. In a way, they were the same.


It gives me more of Maven's personality. Also, I'm thinking Fyron is going to play an important role in the story. I'm beginning to like this character. He's so mysterious & quiet.

Okay, next. Some Nit-picks!

All the signs of incoming storm.


*an should be in-between of and incoming.

My goodness that seems to be it. I can't find anything else! Awesome job BookWolf, I feel like your writing is improving from your last two chapters. So on that note I just want to say that I totally want Maven's gift. I mean really eternal fitness & beauty? Ugggh why can't I have that! Lol.

So this part was awesome, short, sweet & to the point. I will be reviewing the next part soon!

Thank you for the review! :D ... I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me.... :(..... Haha! Jk :D I understand that college takes a lot out of you. :) Its no problem, take as long as you need.

Thanks again. <3

User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Fri Oct 31, 2014 7:38 pm

Hello BookWolf!
I LOVE IT! I would say I can't put your novel down, but sadly, it is limited to a computer screen. :) After reading this, I love Maven even more!! She is against the rules. :D Perfect! Again I only have one little nitpick.
"Do know where to get some daggers?"
Just add you between Do and know. :) I love how this part ended! :D With Maven just being herself! :D Chapter Two part two here I come! :)
-SnazzyPencil

You are truly awesome! :D I got on here and you noticed that you are just destroying my portfolio! Thanks ever so much! :D Again, you're the best. <3 <3 <3

Thanks, you too! :D

Hey BookWolf! I feel like I'm attacking your portfolio haha XD
I really like how this story is progressing. I sometimes catch a few lines that have some grammar mistakes but nothing major.

"She felt a weight at her side, which knew was her sword."
In this line I don't think a comma is needed. I also think that there should be the word 'she' after 'which'

I love this second paragraph! I really appreciate how you give subtle details of Maven. I'm curious as to how she has "gifts" and if she's the only one or do all the children in the cave have them?

"...being lifting from their roots."
I think that this sounds a bit awkward. I would reword it as:
'Lifted up from their roots"

“No, Rune says we can't train to fight until we are fourteen,”
I am interested as to why they can't learn to fight until a certain age. Especially when you use the term 'we'

"She saw a dark emotion cloud his eyes that looked suspiciously like hunger."
This line is a good example of how you do really well at describing visually.

I really like how you're ending your chapters- like theironnovelist said.
I'm enjoying this story so far, keep writing! :D

Oh, you keep attacking my portfolio! Bring it on! :D

But seriously, thank you so much for this review. I'm loving that people are liking my story, I really didn't think I'd get any reviews at all.

Hello there.
I haven't read the other chapter/parts to this story, so this was a bit out-of-context for me. I'll do my best :)

I already like what you're doing with your characters. You're a very good writer. Nice lengthy description and explanation of the story rather than making the whole thing dialogue. That's a tough thing to do when writing such short chapters for such ADD (like me) readers on YWS!

One convention thing:
Maven's smile widened as stared down at her sword

I believe you meant to put 'she' between 'as' and 'stared'.

A suggestion I'd make is just to mention Fyron's name a few more times [I like your characters' names by the way]. When I forgot his name I found myself scrolling a ways in search of it. Don't use pronouns TOO much :)

Overall very good! Seems like a good story so far. Very nice chapter ending; really grasping to the readers. Mischievous....

Keep writing!

~iron.n

Thanks for the review! :D I'm glad you think I'm a good writer. I take all my compliments to heart and it drives me to write something even better. And when I correct this I'll make sure to fix the things you pointed out. :)



Make your dreams come true. Don't wish for them, work for them.
— Lilly Singh