A great big ship,
sails torn and tattered from battle.
Imagine cannon balls flying,
piercing the canvas sky.
Water slapping against,
the water-worn wood.
Rough and splintered,
like the men aboard.
Graceful mermaid
perched high on each end.
Her fins stretched out,
ready to leap off and swim.
The captain in his room,
bent over a large map.
The ripples of the ocean,
etched into his skin.
The ship makes music,
the sharp whip of the sails,
the haunting creak of wood,
the songs exuding from lips.
A great big ship,
Home to stolen treasures.
Home to so many,
Sailing across the seas.
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hello,
I like your poem a lot, and it's not just because it reminds me of Johnny Depp.
Anyways, you use great word choice very well. Everything fit well together and flowed.
I liked how you used the description of the ocean to describe the captain's skin. It was really creative and thoughtful.
I don't really know what else to say. Keep writing ^ ^.
Thanks,
Mikaela (Cally)
This doesn't go anywhere. There is a very limited amount of interest that someone can afford to a description of ships. A story about ships fighting? Yes sure. An interesting interpretation of ships? Yes, sure. A description of them? No not really.
It grabs my attention for as long as it takes to read the entire poem - the descriptions are okay, the structure is not bad but the content isn't there. So what happens is I read it and then don't think about it. That isn't what you want. You want to offer me something memorable something timeless is the long term goal.
So my advice is to rethink the idea so it isn't just a description - a description with something hidden that would be great. A story with a message alternatively. It's up to you, I just don't see the meaning of this poem.
I liked this (maybe because I've got a thing for pirates and ships
) and it was fun to read.
I especially liked:
"The water-worn wood.
Rough and splintered,
Like the men aboard. "
That is a great image and it evokes the picture of the scarred, battle- and sea-worn pirate hoard
Thumbs up for that
Mayfyre
I like this. It's fun. And I love pirates. XD
It doesn't seem long enough. what does the water feel like? taste like? How does the crew feel? are any of them sea sick?
As a writer, you have to paint your reader a picture. For the most part, you did that. But it still seems a bit short. Give more description and detail. Maybe some more lines.
Besides that, it was a good idea. I didn't see any gramatical errors.
Hoped this helped!
Jamie