Rain

When i read the tile i expected something typical and cliche but i have to say that you surprised me. I loved your poem, i loved the depth of the emotions which was evident throughout. The detailed imagery, the well chosen words and of course the repeating endings make it so beautiful. The only thing that i couldn't really understand was the use of the word 'magic'. To me, it didn't seem appropriately placed and sounded like it was forced just to make it end that way. Nevertheless, good work!!

If I were to guess, the message of the poem would have to do with dealing with a loss. I love poems like these because you can make up your own interpretation of what is happening. Also, the style of the poem automatically drew me in and made me want to keep on reading. I've never heard of this style before, but it is very effective. The only thing I would change would be to make separate stanzas instead of using slashes. Keep up the good work!

Hi there, LGF here for a quick review;

I think honestly that this is a really neat and thoughtful poem. The imagery is breathtaking and the way you use vocabulary is really beautiful, and I can tell you really have a gift for that. There are some nitpicks though, so I'll go through those with you quickly;

1. She's always felt/

Little kisses is what she felt

Firstly, the slash isn't needed. Second I think it should be 'She' in the first line and I would suggest adding 'that' at the end of the first line. Thirdly, the second line maybe change it to 'Little kisses was what she felt' so the lines turn into;

She always felt,
Little kisses was what she felt.

Anyway, only suggestions.

2. She appears every rain

I don't know, this line just sounded slightly awkward. You could change it to, like SubtleSanity said; 'She appears in every rain"

So those are the only nitpicks that I picked up on.

Overall, I really thought this was a neat, detailed poem and the end was beautifully melancholy, sort of adding a twist.

Hope you liked the review;

LGF

Hello, Subtle here for a review! First of all, welcome to YWS! ^^

This is a really sweet poem, despite the melancholy ending. It still is a rather beautiful poem, the words of this poem are mostly concise and well-chosen so they express the rain and the girl well enough. However, there are a few places where it sounded awkward and unnecessary. I also noticed the slash here and there, I assume those are stanza breaks? The break on YWS is control + shift, it will make the poem look neater is you use a proper break instead of slashes. The general rhythm overall was pretty steady, but there were places where you had stumps. Though I know I have said earlier the words were concise, there were places where it fell quite flat because the words were too simple. Thought I also think the simplicity nature of this poem also contributed to its sweetness and sadness, so you will have to find a balance between the two.

Some suggestions and nitpicks:

She's always felt/

Little kisses is what she felt

She stands guard over the old house, just watches, watches

She appears every rain

Hear the boards on the old porch, like her soul, creak as she watches

But there is not another soul to feel what she felt

Now it is raining blood, splish, splash/

The old mother cries for the last time, as she felt

That unbearable hurt

Now nobody sits and watches

For the little girl in the rain/

The splashing, slippery, torrential, magical rain

Is the only one left that watches

It is all that's left to feel that hurt