(This was a poem I wrote awhile ago. It was the first poem I ever wrote, and i know the rhyme scheme is sketchy, but again, the first poem I wrote. I though poems HAD to rhyme. Obviously they don't, but..anyways, don't be too harsh. Thanks guys! -Brie♥)
They told us not to worry
That their love was truly divine
But now they’re in a hurry
To leave each others' sides
They told us their love was immortal
And all they did was lie
Cause now I see what has happened
That love will always die
They promised to stay together
Until the very end
Now there’s no forever
Not anymore they said
They broke the pledge they made
That forever they would lay
In the arms of their lovers
Until God took them away
What a lie they foretold
Nobody has stayed
They decided to be bold
And break the vows they made
They told us not to worry
That they’re love was truly divine
But now they’re in a hurry
To leave each others' sides
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138,055 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
That poem was so good!!!!!!!!!!!! It showed how someone feels either it's you or not. Great use of rhymes to. I really could understand how a little girl or boy feels when there parents stop there love. And you think every thing is going to be different in a bad way. But in the end your parents are happy. And nothing bad will happen if they truly love you.
Thanks for all the reviews guys!
I thought that this was a great poem!! You proved your point, it was simple, and very thoughtful. You could feel the emotions in it. Great job and keep writing!
I don't think it was bad at all. It's very good considering it was your first poem. The lines flow well and you were able to keep up the rhyme scheme. I love the story that it tells because, unfortunately, it's true for a lot of couples. If this was your first poem, I'm sure you improved with time so I'd love to see your later poems!
Hello there
For a first poem, this is pretty well written. I really like the idea and the intentions this poem has. However, I'll have to agree with Jessa. You need punctuation in the poem. For the most bit, technically, this looks like one whole sentence. The rhyming like you mentioned is also...not there yet! I think as a whole, I appreciate the repeating stanza at the beginning and end. It is quite a nice touch and further emphasizes your feelings. Good job.
Keep writing and good luck.
Here for a review!
Your poem was nice, especially for your first poem :] One thing I noticed though, was that you said the same thing over and over again in different forms. I would suggest spicing it up a bit. Maybe tell us what happened to make the love fall apart? Reading this poem makes me want to know more...more about the past or the future. I would also like to see some punctuation in your poem. Add some commas and periods so the reader knows where pauses should be, doing this will help with the flow of your poem.
Keep writing, I want to read more :]
-Jessa
That is pretty good! I loved it! And it is so true... I thought you wrote it pretty well. Even though you said it wasn't all that great, I enjoyed reading it! I didn't find any grammer mistakes, so good job! And you proved your point. It was really good! I loved it! Keep writing!