Version 1: Loss

"She pulled the knife from her chest and smiled. “Was that supposed to hurt?” Her blood dripped off the blade and oozed out of her chest turning her gray sweater dark red. Soran’s face became pale and gripped the black slick case tighter in his hand."

HOLY COW!! That is one heck of a way to start a story!! and I applaud your hook! It had me so strapped into what was going to happen next I couldn't dare peel my eyes of the words! I love your plot!!! Great job!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was a fun little scene. Well...fun is relative but you get what I mean. It was pretty engaging for the most part, a pretty decent fight scene at any rate and a compelling story line. I definitely am interested in whatever alternate endings you had planned too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She pulled the knife from her chest and smiled. “Was that supposed to hurt?” Her blood dripped off the blade and oozed out of her chest turning her gray sweater dark red. Soran’s face became pale and gripped the black slick case tighter in his hand.

“How— I— I thought I killed you,” he stuttered, “I killed you!” He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and stumbled to his feet, backing away slowly. He pressed the case against his chest. Alaya slowly rose to her feet, “So you did,” she smiled coldly while flipping the blade in her hand, “but it didn’t stick.”

With that she charged toward Soran swinging the knife wildly. He ducked and rolled underneath her arm just as she drove the knife into the forest floor.

“Please,” Soran pleaded, his eyes wide with fear and pain. “Please don’t do th-!” Alaya screamed, swinging her fist around, knocking Soran off his feet.

“I’ll have your head!!!” She screamed and lunged towards him again. Soran scrambled back narrowly dodging the blade and diving into the bushes.

“Soran!!!” Alaya said whilst spitting out blood with every word. “I know you have it!” Soran held his breath. Great. She knew. But how? How could she have known?

“You took it — the antidote —- to make all of this better! To fix us! To fix me!” Gasping for air, she slowly scanned the bushes and downed branches for any movement. “I saw you take it from the lab. I watched as you scavenged like a mutt looking for that blue miracle.”

Soran watched her inch closer to where he was crouching. He has to act fast. And do what? Stab her with a stick? No. This time it has to be something permanent.

“—And you think that vial is going to do anything? You think it’s going to fix me?”

Soran scrambled to unzip the case, the blue syringe was still intact, thank goodness.

“—Well, you will be sorely mistaken. It only works on patients who were recently exposed to the virus. It would never work on me!” boasted Alaya, clearly revealing in the moment. “And you will never get the chance to try!”

Soran whispered, “we’ll see about that.” Soran felt her presence standing beside him and held his breath. Alaya scanned the forest. She breathed heavily, the bullet holes and stab wounds were deep and her blood bounced off the leaves like rain.

drip, drip, drip.

Alaya’s blood boiled with rage, Soran felt her heat emanating through the brush. She fidgeted with the knife in her hand. Soran closed his eyes and let his breath go. With the syringe in hand, he charged through the brush grabbing Alaya’s legs knocking her down. They scrambled to stay on top, fighting to have the upper hand.

She screamed, "YOU IDIOT!!" Alaya jabbed Soran with the knife but he caught her wrist twisting the blade away. They rolled again. Now with Soran mostly on top, he was about to plunge the needle into her chest when Alaya punched him in the throat. He choked dropping the needle. Alaya quickly stabbed him in the gut and threw him to the side. Soran gasped for air, although every breath caused the gash to shoot pain through his torso. It didn’t help to have Alaya’s knee on his chest pinning him down. He heard her laugh to herself and overhear the fatal crunch of the syringe under her shoe.

“Oh my dear boy,” she sweetly said, “did someone break your needle? What a shame.”

“Please, please, don’t —“ he croaked while his hands scrambled in vain to move her. “please— this isn’t yo—“ Alaya placed her finger over his mouth.

“Hush now, let’s fix that face of yours, shall we?”

It was like slow motion seeing her flash a murderous smile and watch her eyes cloud with fury. Transfixed by her, she lifted the knife over her head drenched in his own blood. She would finish him. This time she would hit her mark. Seeing her tightly clench the blade over her head he finally saw the vicious beast she had become. She was right, she can’t be saved, how could she? She’s not herself, she’s a science experiment, a savage monster and killing machine. She’s barely human. Barely. It was now or never. He has to kill or be killed.

Engrossed in her triumph and about to plunge a knife into her enemy, Alaya’s body seized and an icy blast shot through her extremities like a glacier plunging into the sea. She screamed a blood curdling cry as she collapsed. Soran pushed her to the side and threw the knife into the bushes. Alaya desperately clawed at her leg and found an epi-pen thrusted into her thigh. She yanked the pen out and found the empty vile inside.

“NOOOOOOWWAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!” she screamed. “YOU TRICKED ME!” Quickly as he could, Soran rolled away from her and watched in horror as she violently convulsed, jerking and shaking with no control of her flailing limbs. Soran wished he could help her and make it stop but he was helpless. The antidote had to take its course.

‘I hope it’s enough,’ he thought to himself as he tightly clenched his abdomen despite the searing pain it caused.

Alaya moaned and wailed in agony. She began foaming around the mouth and her skin turned pale. Her eyes kept rolling back inside her head and her muscles became so tense that her arms and hands crumpled close to her chest. Within a few minutes the seizures stopped and Soran gingerly crawled over to her lifeless body. He looked down at her white face, her eyes glossy and lips purple. Her hair was so matted, full of leaves and blood, and her clothes torn and soaked in blood still spilling out of her chest. Soran whimpered. His green eyes quickly welled up with tears and his lips quivered.

He gently rocked her shoulder. No such luck. He checked her pulse. She was gone. But deep down, he hoped she would come back to him, hoping death was just temporary. Without warning, he cried to the heavens. He wailed to the trees. He weeped so heavily in hopes that she would come back to him and tell him ‘thank you’ or may be ‘I love you’. Memories of them together flooded his mind. The day they met, the adventures they went on, the late night talks while stargazing, her joyful laugh and contagious smile. His heart broke in a million pieces knowing he would never get to see her again nor hear her sweet voice.

The sun was now below the horizon and darkness quickly obscured his surroundings. Blurry eyed, Soran delicately placed her hands crossed over her chest, wiped her face the best he could, closed her eyes and pulled back her hair.

“It wasn’t suppose to end like this. I’m sorry.”

He took off his jacket and tied it tightly around his stomach to stop the bleeding. As he slowly walked toward the rendezvous point he looked back at Alaya one last time.

“In another life time, we shall meet again. I promise.”

She pulled the knife from her chest and smiled. “Was that supposed to hurt?” Her blood dripped off the blade and oozed out of her chest turning her gray sweater dark red. Soran’s face became pale and gripped the black slick case tighter in his hand.

i like the beginning, it's quite intriguing. keep it up.

the end is also quite interesting. overall, it's awesome.
there are a few grammatical mistakes-

Alaya screamed swinging her fist around knocking Soran off his feet.
there shouls be a comma between screamed and swinging and also between around and knocking.

se, the blue syringe was still in tact, thank goodness.
in tact should be intact.

hope i have helped you through this review. thanks.
“In another life time, we shall meet again. I promise
life time should be lifetime


Well, you will be sorrily mistaken.
i think sorrily will be sorely.

The day they met, the adventures they went on, the late night talks while star gazing,
star gazing will be stargazing.

Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!

Oh it was such a tense read, the action started from the beginning. I was so heartbroken when she died, your descriptions were just amazing I can imagine everything perfectly. You are a great writer. Hope to read more works from you!

SMALL NITPICKS

It would be a short story that the reader can choice how they want it to end

“Please don’t do th-!” Alaya screamed swinging her fist around knocking Soran off his feet.

“—Well, you will be sorrily mistaken. It only works on patients who were recently exposed to the virus.

“NOOOOOOWWAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!” she screamed. “YOU TRICKED ME!” Quickly has he could,

‘I hope it’s enough,’ he thought to himself as he tightly clinched his abdomen despite the searing pain it caused.

“It wasn’t suppose to end like this. I’m sorry.”

He gently rocked her shoulder. No such luck. He checked her pulse. She was gone. But deep down, he hoped she would come back to him, hoping death was just temporary. Without warning, he cried to the heavens. He wailed to the trees. He weeped so heavily in hopes that she would come back to him and tell him ‘thank you’ or may be ‘I love you’. Memories of them together flooded his mind. The day they met, the adventures they went on, the late night talks while star gazing, her joyful laugh and contagious smile. His heart broke in a million pieces knowing he would never get to see her again nor hear her sweet voice.

“In another life time, we shall meet again. I promise.”