Version 3: Loss

[This is the third version of my short story Loss. It a short story that the reader can choose how they want it to end.]

PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY DIALOGUE PUNCTUATION! I can't seem to figure out exactly when to add a comma or a period. 

I know what I need to do, I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it. I just know that it needs to stop. Grave after grave after grave. I’m tired of burying my friends.

Before placing the last rock on Kenton’s head, Soren gazed at his face. It looked so white, so unnatural. He didn’t even make it to his 20th birthday. It’s next month. Soran thought back to when Kenton told him it was a bad idea to go after her. He didn’t listen.

Amidst the rapids rushing through the gorge, bushes rustled behind Soran.

“Hello?” he said nervously as he scanned the rocks and bushes behind him. “Please be a deer, please be a deer, please,” he pleaded and slowly reached for a piece of driftwood nearby.

Suddenly a silver knife flung through the brush and wedged itself between the rocks, missing Soran’s hand by mere inches. He fell back against Kenton’s grave, catching his breath.

“Thought I would find you here,” said the silvery voice. “Didn’t think you were watching when he fell.”

“He didn’t fall,” Soran snapped. “You pushed him.”

The voice laughed, and a young woman with short wavy brown hair and wearing blood-soaked jeans and a speckled grey jacket stepped out of the bushes.

“Oh please,” scoffed Alaya, “I didn’t think he would fall this far. Didn’t realize this gorge was so. Deep.”

Her words cut deep. Soran’s eyes burned with hatred. In a flash he swiped the knife wedged between the rocks and held it in front of him.

“You. Pushed. Him,” he said steadily through clenched teeth.

Unfazed, Alaya rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.

“So?” she smirked. “What are you gonna do about it?” She enticed, staring down at him.

Her electric blue eyes flickered. The veins on her neck were pulsing black. She looked like she was half dead, especially with bullet holes riddled across her chest. How she was still standing, let alone breathing, was beyond Soran.

“Well?” She questioned slyly and narrowed her eyes like a wolf.

Soran stared her down but then saw the knife between them and realized what it would cost him.

“I…can’t,” he faltered and let the knife drop out of his hand.

Shocked, Alaya furrowed her brows and stepped closer.

“What do you mean you can’t?” she scoffed. “Aren’t you going to finish this?” she gestured.

Kneeling, Soran looked up at her.

“You killed him,” he began. “He was my best friend. My brother. And you killed him. You killed all of them! All of us!” he said sharply.

Tears began streaming down his face, painting the pebbles and stones with his grief.

Puzzled, Alaya stepped closer.

“So, you’re giving up? Just like that? You’re not going to fight for your family or friends anymore? ”

Soran wiped his burning eyes and looked down at the rocks. “Laya, please, I’ve lost three friends and a brother in two days. I can’t. I just can’t. Please. I can’t bear to watch another friend die.”

Alaya smirked again. “Coward,” she said under her breath.

Suddenly, like a panther, she rushed at him, kicked him square in the chest, and snatched the knife out of the rocks. Soran fell backwards against the grave and tried to scramble away, but Alaya was faster. She lunged at him with full force, pinning him down with her knee. She grasped his curly black hair with her one hand, thrusted his head back against the rocks, and pressed the knife against his neck. Soran grabbed her hands and did his best to hold them back. His eyes were as wide as a deer caught in a trap.

“Come on, Soran, give me a challenge,” she smiled and chuckled to herself. “At least fight for Kenton.”

She tilted the blade slightly until the point drew blood. Soran froze; he was breathing so fast he thought his heart would explode. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. All he saw were those unnatural murderous eyes. Eyes that used to make his stomach flutter. Now all he felt was pain, and his body was screaming for attention.

“Fight!” she yelled. “Come ON! You COWARD!” Her eyes were wild and empty.

Fight or flight. He had to do something. But perhaps ‘doing’ is only going to make things worse. There was only one way to get out of this.

Soran swallowed hard. His hands were shaking and weak from picking up rocks and dragging Kenton from the bottom of the cliffs. He couldn’t hold her back. He was tired.

“Well?” Alaya pressed her knee further into his chest.

Soran yelped and shouted, “Enough! Please! Just get it over with! I can’t!”

“You can’t, or you won’t.”

Soran felt the knife push a little further into his neck. “I can’t do this anymore; just do it. Do it!” Soran slowly released his grip on her hands. “I have nothing left to lose…except…”

Alaya tilted her head and leaned towards him.

“Except you,” he breathed.

Alaya furrowed her brows and cocked her head.

“Unless,” he choked.

“Unless what?” She paused.

“You could change, Laya. You could fight—not me, but yourself. You can take the antidote. You can be cured.”

He winced as she pulled on his hair even more. “I’ll have my best friend back. I won’t have to bury anyone else.”

Alaya felt his hands fall away.

“But this is who I am,” Alaya told him. “This is the best version of myself.”

“Is it? Is it really? Your best version?”

“Shut up!” she sneered and jostled his head. “I’m stronger, faster, and smarter in every way. I’m practically invincible!”

“But is that all you ever wanted? You think life has nothing to offer you?” Soran’s face changed from fear to pity.

Alaya shifted. “Life has been hell for me! I was alone and abused and hated it. I had no one! Nobody! But now,” she boasted, “now no one will EVER hurt me AGAIN!”

“But you had us!” Soran pleaded. “We were there for you! Why do you think we came after you? To kill you? We wanted to bring you home. To fix you.”

“You can’t fix me, you fool! You can’t fix any of us—“

"Yes, we can. That was the plan. The antidote—“

“—is a lie!”

“—works,” Soran answered. “It works. We tried it, and it worked. It’s why we came for you. To give you a chance. To come back home.”

Alaya briefly looked away from his puppy dog eyes. So much love, so much weakness, she thought.

“Look,” he sighed. “I give up. I can’t keep doing this. I want this to end.” His brown eyes gleamed, and his voice broke. “Do what you want. I’m tired of burying my friends.”

Alaya was puzzled. She never had an opponent give up like this. He showed such compassion and love. Something she hardly remembered. Soran closed his eyes. His hands lay open at his side. Deep down, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to remember what Heal-X took from her.

For a moment, her eyes seemed to clear for the first time. She questioned everything she was told to believe. Studying his face more closely, she began to remember ruffling his curly black hair and seeing his kind brown eyes. She could almost hear his laugh. However, the memories did not come fast enough.

Soran’s eyes shot open. He gasped and grabbed his throat. Blood gushed between his fingers. He struggled to talk, but only blood spewed from his lips. Alaya released her grip and rolled back onto her heels. She stared at her friend drowning in his own ambition.

“I’m sorry,” she uttered, unable to look away. “At least you can join your brother.”

Soran reached for her before everything went dark. His hands dropped into his lap, and his head lolled to the side. Alaya watched his warm skin become pale and waxy. She inched closer to him and gingerly touched his hand. So cold, so strange. Alaya leaned into his face. His brown eyes looked empty now. She killed many times before, so why did it feel different now? A single tear slid down her grimy face. Strange.

She quickly wiped the tear with her sleeve, then noticed her knife still in her hand. She looked it over. The dark blood ran down the blade and across her knuckles. Something inside her was trying to get out, like someone desperately clawing at the lid of a coffin.

She shook the feeling away, wiped the knife on his jeans, and stood up. Mission accomplished. Now, she had to return to Heal-X and wait for her next assignment. As she turned to walk back the way she came, Soran’s words drifted back into her head.

“… I have nothing left to lose, except you.”