It’s just a day
An hour
That can do it
Sometimes
It’s only five minutes
And you know
For me
Ten years…
And one minute
Tells me
Suddenly
In the middle of a conversation
About pickled cucumbers
And the Russian revolution
That I love you
Suddenly -
And without end
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hello! Ell here with a review!
~First impressions: This is so sweet! This poem feels silly and lighthearted, and very genuine. It reminds me of falling in love for the first time, all made up of innocent reasons.
I really like how open ended this poem is. There's like a million different ways to interpret it. Personally, it feels like a one-sided love that becomes requited after years of waiting. Very much in-love-with-your-best-friend vibes.
I also really like how you contrast words and lengths of time, especially in the last two lines:
This bit seems contradictory, but I think it highlights the absurd, funny, amazing way love can be- there's not always an explanation.
Overall, I LOVE this poem. I think we get a lot of heavy, deep poetry about love, so it's really refreshing to read something that highlights the silliness of it. The only note I really had was try to work on focusing your train of thought in poems. Sometimes we can get a little too vague, and the flow of the poem gets dropped. But, in general, awesome job!
Thanks for the review! I%u2019m glad you liked the poem!
Hello Baranczak! Incoming review!
When it comes to this line and maybe other lines in your poem, I want to know what "it" is. But I'm also kinda slow getting the interpretation in writings such as this. But elaborating isn't a bad thing. It's only when you are just telling your reader, "I went 10 years without loving them, and then one day I realized I love them."I saw your work and I was interested. So I'll start with critique first.
Although the poem is supposed to reflect the suddenness of how love can bloom, I think the pacing is too fast and choppy. I saw you mentioned in a comment afterward that the formatting got changed but I would like to see your original formatting so I can properly critique your work.
Lol at first I was so confused what pickled cucumbers or the Russian revolution had to do with anything but when I read back I understand now. But that's brilliant adding that one bit of reality with the person when for the majority of the poem we are in the narrator's head. And the suddenness of the weird conversation throws us off our guard because it grounds us in the weird reality of these two people's relationship. I think it's great!
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful! And remember you can always change the formatting by editing your work if you want to. Anyway byeeeeeee
Hi FireEyes! Thanks for the review, I%u2019ll be keeping your suggestions in mind and try reformatting a bit!
Hi @Baranczak I'm here to do a quick review on your poem. So let's get right into it shell we.
True love at first sight that's the best sort of love in the world isn't it. This poem was a very good way of putting it. I really felt like you put a lot of you heart into this peace, it was so nice to read.
Just going to say the rest is criticism, but I don't want to hurt your feelings okay, so I'm really sorry if I do, that was not my attentions at all.
I can say it would have been easier to read if you had done the layout better, just because it would've been more then three or four letters in one line, but that's just what I think. Last thing I don't really thing that you need to put suddenly in a second time, you could take that out and I feel like the last line would really make more of an impact because you already used that word about four lines ago.
So that is all I can say, again I'm so sorry if this hurt your feelings, I really didn't mean it like that. I write poetry as well so I guess I have a way of doing it, but your not like me. <3
I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world your on.
@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement
Hi Dossereana! Thanks for the review! I%u2019ve actually had some problems doing my lay out when I copy and paste my work into the publishing center. It seems to turn everything I write into really short lines, so this is not my original lay out!
Oh I see, yeah that does happen I'm afraid to say. It can get a bit annoying. <33
Cool poem.It was short,but sweet.I love how you mention that anyone's feelings for someone can come out at any moment,in any conversation.Even if it's just about "The Russian revolution and pickled cucumbers." My favorite parts are when it starts with:"It's just a day" and then progresses to ten years.It shows that the character was waiting a long time for this day.Great job!
Thanks for the review! And you%u2019re right, the character was waiting. A long time