Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General


Tiny Epiphanies

by Baranczak


Tiny epiphanies... 

Things like

The fact that you first learned how to tie your shoelaces when you were fourteen

Or that you hate the smell of lilies

Because they remind you of your uncle Ben

That, because you have fear of heights,

I have to lead you by the hand,

Vulnerable and trusting

Every time we use the stairs

That you love heavy metal

That when eat you always use your left hand,

Citing ambidextrousness

where I would laziness

That it took you two years to drink cocoa

In front of me,

because you were embarrassed

By your braces

That you flip your hair like a horses's mane

When you’re happy 

That in the middle of night

one day in December

That was too cold for anyone to come out

(I had just sent my sister to the airport

And the dumplings had gone all mushy

And - the Christmas lights were brown) 

I called you to tell you I loved you

And you were already at the door,

Flipping your hair

And saying

I love you, too


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 2093
Reviews: 38

Donate
Fri Sep 10, 2021 3:33 pm
HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello, Hikari here with a review!

Aw this was so sweet and I totally relate to this especially when the person is so interesting and you just want to know every little detail me and I right?

And it doesn't matter how many years it takes to know everything about them because you want to, have to!

But anyways it seems you have a really good friendship or relationship? with this person (I'm not too good at telling between these lines haha)

Anyways I enjoyed this poem, kudos ❤



Random avatar
Baranczak says...


Hi Hikari, I%u2019m glad you liked the poem! Not surprising that you might be confused about the relationship though - in real life it was friendship for a long time that eventually turned into something more



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 53
Reviews: 5

Donate
Thu Sep 09, 2021 10:24 pm
abigaileigh wrote a review...



I think you just put into words something lots of people have experienced. And put into really beautiful words I must say. I love how it starts as a list that could be about anyone, or many people the author has met, and then at the end it turns into a story. I love that you brought back the hair flipping at the end, connecting the person at the door with all the descriptors from before. I like this because I feel like instead of talking about the passion or spark of a relationship like a lot of poems do, it highlights the soft little things that people notice. That overtime make a person special to you. Great work!



Random avatar
Baranczak says...


Hi abigailleigh! Thanks for the review, you definitely captured the structure I was aiming for!



User avatar
79 Reviews


Points: 1701
Reviews: 79

Donate
Mon Sep 06, 2021 1:18 am
AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



This is beautiful, thank you for sharing. Honestly this inspires me to want to write a gratitude list :)

I loved the layout. It is so simple, but it gets the job done and it’s juts awesome. I love hearing your voice. I love how you can list things without making it sound like a list. The last part is really beautiful <3<3<3<3

“I called you to tell you I loved you

And you were already at the door,

Flipping your hair

And saying

I love you, too”

I really enjoyed reading. Thank you very much!
Ellie <3



Random avatar
Baranczak says...


Hi Ellie, I%u2019m really happy you liked it - and the poem did actually start out as a kind of gratitude list!



User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 573
Reviews: 28

Donate
Sun Sep 05, 2021 10:47 pm
Avis wrote a review...



Hi, I'm Avis, here to give a review!

To start: I really, really loved this poem. There's something so comforting about the simplicity of all the little examples you cited that make it feel real. From "Or that you hate the smell of lilies" to "That you flip your hair like a horses's mane" they showed that the speaker truly knows that person that love. And the way you call each of these things "tiny epiphanies" is so sweet. Love isn't always dramatic gestures and incredible feats, but, as this beautiful poem shows, it's in the little details, the "tiny epiphanies" as you get to know someone.

The structure of the poem, although technically inconsistent, flows beautifully. Normally I like poems better with a steady rhythm, but you've embraced a more dynamic style and it works really well. The lines not only flow and transition easily, but the poem has a way of pulling the reader along between each idea.

One tiny nitpick (that honestly isn't that important) is the punctuation. I know that sometimes poets chose not to add punctuation (including myself), but after some lines, before moving to another topic (for example: after "Ben") you could consider adding a period. It's also totally your decision. The only place that it actually bothers me, though, is at the very end, after "I love you, too," because I think a period could help the end feel a little more finished (still your choice though!).

Overall, I thought this was beautiful, and although I don't have a LOT of experience in the matter, I can relate to the simple joy of learning "tiny epiphanies" about the people you care about. Thank you! ^-^



Random avatar
Baranczak says...


Hi Avis, thank you so much for the review! I really agree with your punctuation suggestions and I%u2019m so happy you liked this poem, it%u2019s actually quite a personal one.




*Sad football bagpipes*
— DougalOfBiscuits